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Today I lost a friend.

I was sitting in our staff meeting after school, when DW messaged me on my iPhone. She said, “Hunny I have bad news”. Thinking it had something to do with our current IVF cycle, I was anxious to find out what was going on.

I waited. I waited longer. I could see in our open conversation window that she was either typing or thinking…. “Bad/sad”, she said next.

“Mary has passed away. I’m so sorry.”

“It happened suddenly. That’s all I know.”

I sat there in disbelief. I hadn’t known anything to be going on with her recently, health-wise. I had an upcoming meeting with her on Wednesday.

For what felt like an eternity, I sat. And as the shock wore off, a hole in my heart began to hollow out. Receding like a pull in your pantyhose might.

And then it hit me. Someone whispered. “What’s wrong?” At which point, I began to sob. The flood of sadness overcame me, and the tears were uncontrollable.

But I was in a room with a hundred and twenty of my colleagues. Colleagues who hadn’t yet formed a first impression of me… Until now.

Forever I will be that girl who cried at the staff meeting.

I grabbed my phone and keys and ran out of the meeting, sleeve against my face, to hide the already puffy eyes. I retreated to the staff room, which was empty and dark, and collapsed on the leather couch and weeped. I weeped and I moaned. Deep sorrowful moans. When I finally caught my breath, I felt like a burden had been lifted.

Today I found out that my mentor had died.

10 thoughts on “Mary

  1. I’m so sorry. I remember when the first person I actually knew died, it was a boy I took Latin with in high school. We ate lunch in the same group. I’m very fortunate that I haven’t lost any friends since then. Death is surreal and absurd and horrible.

  2. Oh my goodness, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will send you some peaceful and loving energy and hope that you are able to take some time off from life/work and grieve.

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