Another Beta HCG Test Today

Hi everyone, I’ve been laying low lately because not much is going on. I’m also anxious as hell and so many times, I have started irrational blog posts related to negative things, even though so far, everything has been going well.

No real symptoms except sheer exhaustion about midday, at which point I take a 1-2 hour nap. I attribute this to the progesterone supplementation though, as I know it can make your blood sugar levels drop, making you feel an energy crash. Boobies are still sore, and are BIG! When I fully inhale, I can almost hear the seams of my sports bras rip. Again, that is thanks to the progesterone. Other than that, I’ve been so thirsty every day, drinking about 3+ litres of water, and not peeing most of it out even though I’m waking up in the middle of the night to pee 1 or 2 times. Either I’m becoming a camel, or my blood volume is increasing due to this pregnancy.

Oh such is the dilemma with progesterone and estrogen supplementation. I can’t tell if the symptoms are from pregnancy or from the medication.

I have no nausea yet. But I’m only 5 weeks and 3 days, and most women start getting really queasy during week 6 or not at all. Strangely enough, I’m hoping for some morning sickness, as it would reassure me that my HCG is higher.

Today, I have to go in for another blood draw to check my HCG levels. I’m so nervous, and will feel so much better if the results are good.

Please pray and send whatever good vibes that you can for us to have a positive outcome.

I appreciate all of your support, and I hope to be less neurotic in the coming weeks.

FET#3: An Update Part 2

All of my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared Wednesday and Thursday. No dizziness, no vertigo, no nausea, boobs way less sore, twinges gone.

I was sad and totally devastated.

Time was passing so slowly, and I analyzed every gas bubble and pinch from my belly, not to mention the colour of my used toilet paper.

Friday finally came, and we went for my repeat beta.

I was a bit hopeful because I had some nausea during the morning, and I felt bloated. I have never been so pleased to be bloated.

Three and a half hours later, we got the results of our repeat beta.

Wednesday’s beta: 33
Friday’s beta: 61

Not quite double yet, but increasing. We’re not out of the game. My doubling rate is 54 hours. Because my levels are under 100, the nurse says that I need to go in again in a week to check my HCG again. She sounded neither apologetic nor congratulatory, which was professional of her, but made me really sad. I am trying to stay positive, as the embryo is still in there, and the HCG is still increasing. I just hope that it continues to thrive and is not just a delay of the inevitable.

You see, with five embryos that have failed to make it past this second beta, we feel like we’re getting closer to our goal with this attempt. However, if this one miscarries too, I don’t know how we will recover from it.

To be honest, during these past two days, I have been contemplating many previously unthinkable things. Things like, I don’t know if we would bother with one more FET with our last embryo. If every single one of our embryos miscarried, it makes me wonder if the whole batch is bad. Maybe all of my eggs have a chromosomal abnormality that is still allowing them to look morphologically perfect. Maybe I’ll never be a biological mom because I’m defective. Then I start thinking about how much easier and luxurious life would be if we didn’t have kids (a consolation prize). We could go to Maui every Christmas and Spring Break, we could go to on an Olivia Vacation, we could sleep in and selfishly continue to play all of our team sports with our friends. After all, most of our teammates are lesbians who don’t have kids and they’re always going on amazing trips and have pristine homes and awesome savings accounts. I think I could be happy with that.

But then we go out into public, where babies and kids abound, and I am a baby-magnet! Babies are always fascinated with me- not sure if it’s the dreads or the fact that I’m always smiling at them- and they give me cute giggles and adorable happy hand gestures. It makes my heart melt.

I am not religious, but I am so desperate for this pregnancy to work out that I have been praying for promising HCG levels. I am freaking myself out.

But right now, in this moment, I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I need to not let past tragedies and stupid numbers get in the way of my happiness.

FET#3: An Update

First off, let me apologize for waiting until today to update you on what’s going on.

I have been a nervous wreck.

Last time we touched base, I had gotten my very first BFP. This was on Monday, and holy shit was I excited. My symptoms were also in full effect: super sore breasts, dizziness, twinges, bloating, smell aversion, mild nausea.

When Wednesday came, I was so sure that our little implanted embryo(s) would be overachievers and just figured that my HCG levels would be in the hundreds. I was certain that I had been pregnant for several days now at this point.

Then we got the call.

Our beta test came back positive. But really low. Our HCG was 33. The nurse said that technically, anything above 5 was positive.

I was in shock, and disbelief.

Naturally, I turned to Dr. Google, every TTC research addict’s playground. And basically concluded that yes, technically, I was pregnant, but with an HCG as low as mine on 10DP5DT, it was likely to end in miscarriage.

I basically drove myself and DW crazy, with all of my researching and speculation. I had even convinced myself out of being excited that I was pregnant.

Basically, for two days I was anxiously awaiting today’s (Friday) HCG result, as we need to see them increase sufficiently (double within 48-72 hours).

Stay tuned for today’s results…. I will post again in a few hours.

9DP5DT: Twinges Anyone?

Tomorrow’s our first beta, Friday is our repeat beta, and I’m so friggin’ nervous.

Please stick. Please stick. Please stick.

To make matters worse, I’ve been feeling a constant twinge on my right side. It feels like a weird pulling sensation somewhat generalized in my lower right abdomen. It changes a bit with position, and is worse with sitting and certain positions lying down. I’m afraid to stretch it, not knowing what it is.

Anyone else experience this at around week 4?

My breasts are ridiculously tender too. Yesterday, just the weight of them bouncing as I walked up the stairs was making them ache.

Other than that, the vertigo has somewhat dissipated, but I’m still dizzy all the time and feel a fuzz in my brain.

More updates tomorrow!

8DP5DT: On the Right Track

I’m not celebrating yet, but this morning at 6am, I woke up from a beautiful dream and peed on a stick.

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Our beta is on Wednesday, and the repeat beta is on Friday, so I’m not celebrating quite yet, as both other FETs never made it beyond that second beta.

But, friends, this is the first BFP my body has ever had!