A couple of you have done daily/weekly gratitude or happiness photo projects, and I’ve been so inspired by them.
I have been hesitant to commit because I think that part of me didn’t want one more thing to have to check off my list daily, but also because I think that being in the deepest pit of grieving, I just wasn’t ready to invite happiness back into my life.
But, during my last therapy session (which DW attended as well- this made me very happy), we discussed how I need to somehow overcome my tendency to expect a negative outcome. Much of my pessimistic expectation of fate probably stems from my traumatic past, but also because when good things happen, I’m not acknowledging or giving them as much power as the negative. Granted, the past two years on this island called infertility has totally sucked, but I have also been really lucky in many ways too– like finding the love of my life, securing a permanent unionized job that allows me to be off work right now, being able to take the dogs on such lovely hikes almost daily, having a home and the financial ability to be doing IUIs and IVF, and having a partner that supports my health and wellness over the growth of our household income.
I need to be reminded of the good things that happen to me, so that I can start to believe that this is the natural inertia of the world. When I believe that good things will happen for me, then perhaps I will stop worrying all the time. To this end, I am going to try to capture a moment each day to remind myself of happiness. Sometimes it will be accompanied by some script, other times a photo alone is all I will send into the world.
Join me if you’d like. I’m starting today as it is my cycle day 1, and I’m choosing to name this my Happiness Cycle. Regardless of the outcome, I will set aside a moment, each day, to celebrate the good things in my life.
Today: the snow has been falling quite heavily all day, snowflakes getting bigger every hour. During our hike, one of my favourite moments was being under the shelter of the trees. The big dog loves the snow, and with each year’s first falling, she takes big sniffs of the cool air and very happy sighs, almost as if with a smile, “I smell winter!”. The little dog, not so much. She prefers the hot sun of the summer.