So I’m 5 days post Provera cessation, and there
is no sign of AF are mixed signs that have been driving me nuts for days now. Normally, I have a bleed 3 days after stopping any progesterone, but this time, the time that timing really counts, nada. Perhaps all my talk of diarrhea scared her away. Maybe me pointing my finger at her and blaming her for the cramps made her self-conscious. Either way, I am super PMSy (which, is actually quite rare), my boobs hurt, my back is sore despite being recently sedentary (couch potato is the name of my new IVF workout plan), and I have no patience for this anymore!
I have been needling some choice acupuncture points the past two days as well.
Every time I use the toilet, I’m inspecting the toilet paper for any trace of red or pink tinge.
The only thing that I can conclude is that despite the Provera, my body must have insisted on ovulating sometime during the middle of last week, and that remnant corpus luteum is what is keeping my progesterone naturally high. My BBT experienced a mild dip a few days ago, but went back up, and has stayed high. Argh.
So I’m frustrated. I need this IVF stim cycle to start to feel like I’m moving forward… Forward towards a hopeful outcome. I am sick of how consistently depressed and anxious I feel. I know part of this is the Lupron, but the primary source is the more than two years spent living with our lives frozen on pause. It’s the multiple miscarriages, the false hope, the awkward social exchanges. It’s the over forty thousand that went down the drain, only to end up back here again. I’m tired of waiting. I feel like I can’t handle much more of this, and right now, I feel like a barren wasteland, full of hurt and pain, where embryos come to die.
AF, wheeeerrrrre arrrrre yooooooooou!?!?!!!!!!!!