Home » TWW » Day 6: My Partner’s Best Quality

Day 6: My Partner’s Best Quality

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I’m laying next to her in bed right now, her asleep, and me struck by some of the worst insomnia yet. I feel like my neurons are buzzing. I’m trying not to disturb her with the light from my phone, as she has had a really long day today.

You see, I had a panic attack early this morning. A full-on gasping for air panic attack. It was less dramatic than Kelsey on the Bachelor’s two weeks ago, but way more real. Ever since the panic attack, I’ve been wired and super anxious. I needed to see my family doctor, and the only appointment that was available was for this evening.

I didn’t feel like I could go on my own, so my wonderful wife dropped her after school commitments and drove me two cities away to see my doctor. By the time we got home, it was an hour before bedtime, and she was wiped.

I could tell because she basically had no energy for dinner, and sufficed with peanut butter on toast. I felt terrible, but when I really needed her, she came to the rescue.

My wife is super thoughtful and supportive. She is like this at work too, which is what made her an amazing department head. Through the super shitty TTC challenges during the past couple of years, we’ve actually formed a stronger relationship. I believe it’s because we have supported each other so much through the bad news and the losses. I say we, but more recently it’s been she that has been picking me up off the floor, reminding me to breathe, assuring me that in the end, we will be okay.

My wife is strong enough for the two of us, and is the most thoughtful person I have ever met. I am so grateful for her. Sometimes I think that I used up all of my luck finding her.

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26 thoughts on “Day 6: My Partner’s Best Quality

  1. Every word makes it very clear that you have a truly beautiful love for DW. She sounds like the most amazing women ever.
    I hope you get some sleep. I hope your doctor has a great plan to help manage your anxiety. I hope you wake up feeling refreshed and that tomorrow is a better day, even just a little bit better.
    Remember, if you ever want to chat, I am always here for you.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and offer of support. My family doc was super supportive, as usual. My wife and I are both having a bit of insomnia right now, so we’re laying in bed at 5am joking around. Life is really good with her, so whatever happens, I know we will be okay.

  2. You’re both wonderful – like attracts like!

    The panic attack sounds absolutely terrifying. I’ve had a couple in my life and you really do think you’re dying during one. I’m so sorry you’re living through this. What’d the doctor say?

    • Thanks Linds! Doc doesn’t want me to start the Cipralex because of possible interactions with the blood thinners. She thinks I am not ready to return to work for a couple of months, so she extended my leave. 🙂

  3. This is such a beautiful tribute to your wife. I hope you got some rest or will soon and I hope you are mistaken in thinking you used up all of your good fortune finding DW. I don’t want to believe that could be true. So it isn’t.

  4. We don’t always see it, but we usually end up with someone who is a reflection of ourselves. You and DW are made for each other…lucky that you found your “one”. Sorry about the anxiety attack…they are truly the worst…i hope that in the coming days you find some sort of peace and calm…i’ll be praying on that for you friend…

  5. Yeah I kinda wondered about that in relation to my wife too – had that been all my good luck in one hit – as until very recently nothing ever seemed to go our way. But now it seems like we have struck gold again! That said, she needs to travel home to the Caribbean (for 5 weeks), leaving NZ on the 8 Mar & returning 14 Apr, and I’m terrified something might happen to her while she’s gone. Irrational I’m sure, but it’s so hard to believe that after all we have faced things could remain wonderful. Here’s hoping it is our turn for lots of wonderful!

    • Maybe your fears are your subconscious mind’s way of saying you can’t live without her? I hope the tides have turned and we are destined for happiness. It is Chinese New Year, after all! A whole new set of moons.

      • I certainly wouldn’t want to live without her – especially now we have a baby arriving. But yes – turning tides!! Is Year of the Sheep a good one for our babes?

      • Some say yes, some say no. Sheep babies are supposed to be very peaceful and calm. They are compassionate and caring. I’m not sure why, but I read an article about how pregnancy rates in China have declined this year because of the superstition that having sheep babies is bad- I’m sure it has to do with the nature of the animal not being prosperous or whatever. Most superstitions have to do with luck and money.

      • Right – well I’d rather a compassionate human than a rich one, so if that’s all it is then all good with me. My first bub would’ve been a dragon and I’m a snake so I wondered if that would lead to lots of conflict lol?!

  6. Ok, your line about Kelsey totally made me laugh! On the serious side though, I’m so sorry you had a panic attack. I’ve never had one so I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like but I am so happy that you have such a wonderful women by your side helping you through all this. Supportive partners are the best!

    • Thank you. I’ve never had them before, so it was super scary. But yes, I’m surrounded by support, which I’m so grateful for.

      I’m loving this season of the Bachelor. It seems like every week is a train wreck! Who are you rooting for?

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