I’m laying next to her in bed right now, her asleep, and me struck by some of the worst insomnia yet. I feel like my neurons are buzzing. I’m trying not to disturb her with the light from my phone, as she has had a really long day today.
You see, I had a panic attack early this morning. A full-on gasping for air panic attack. It was less dramatic than Kelsey on the Bachelor’s two weeks ago, but way more real. Ever since the panic attack, I’ve been wired and super anxious. I needed to see my family doctor, and the only appointment that was available was for this evening.
I didn’t feel like I could go on my own, so my wonderful wife dropped her after school commitments and drove me two cities away to see my doctor. By the time we got home, it was an hour before bedtime, and she was wiped.
I could tell because she basically had no energy for dinner, and sufficed with peanut butter on toast. I felt terrible, but when I really needed her, she came to the rescue.
My wife is super thoughtful and supportive. She is like this at work too, which is what made her an amazing department head. Through the super shitty TTC challenges during the past couple of years, we’ve actually formed a stronger relationship. I believe it’s because we have supported each other so much through the bad news and the losses. I say we, but more recently it’s been she that has been picking me up off the floor, reminding me to breathe, assuring me that in the end, we will be okay.
My wife is strong enough for the two of us, and is the most thoughtful person I have ever met. I am so grateful for her. Sometimes I think that I used up all of my luck finding her.