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12 Weeks: Worried and Lost in the Woods

Today was supposed to be a wonderfully happy day. I’m 12 weeks pregnant, and DW took the day off for Dumplin’s Nuchal Translucency ultrasound. We’ve been anxiously awaiting this day all week. I wasn’t originally going to do the NT scan, figuring my odds of having a baby with a trisomy were low, being 32 years old at the time of egg retrieval. However, since DW hasn’t had a chance to see Dumplin’, I figured it would be a good opportunity for her to connect with Dumplin’, for it to be as real for her as it is for me.

We started off the day really nicely  with a hike at the conservation area with the dogs. Juno found a deflated soccer ball and we played fetch in the water for a long time. Clem ran around, with a stick in her mouth, chasing after her big sister. The sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky! It was also unseasonably warm at 22 degrees Celsius. I felt like I had found a little piece of heaven.

A bit after noon, we arrived at the fertility clinic, which is where we chose to have the NT ultrasound done. We could’ve gone to any ultrasound lab, but chose the fertility clinic because I’m comfortable and familiar with the place and the staff. 

Big mistake.

There were many fuck-ups today:

1. Rampant homophobia- The sonographer wouldn’t let DW in the room for the ultrasound, even though partners are allowed. She said that she’d call her in later. She started the transabdominal ultrasound, and had a lot of trouble trying to measure the NT because of Dumplin’s position. She tried and tried, digging into my belly, and I eventually fell asleep on the table. She huffed and puffed about how hard it was to get a good picture, then sent me to the washroom to empty my bladder so we could try again with the dildowand. On the way to the washroom, I saw DW in the waiting room, looking super concerned. I guess an HOUR had passed, while this tech tried to get an appropriate picture. I went back and we did the transvaginal ultrasound, visualizing Dumplin’ a bit better, took some measurements, and then we were done. I was confused. Done? But my wife hasn’t gotten to see the baby yet. She huffed and puffed again, and then called DW in. She gave a mediocre visual of Dumplin’, pointed out her arms, legs, stomach, and then called it a wrap after what felt like 1 single minute. She didn’t even show her Dumplin’ long enough to watch her move (she was moving a lot when the dildocam was in). She was rude and totally discriminated against us because we were gay. Prior to this visit, this same tech has always been super nice to me, chatty even, but I always came alone, and I guess she assumed that I was straight. Despite promising to let DW be involved in the ultrasound, she totally intended not to honour her word, or DW’s right to be involved as a parent. She restricted DW to standing in the far corner of the room, opposite from me, and had her back to her the whole time. I don’t think she said a single word to her.

– I had to do my IPS blood work at a different lab, but the fertility clinic wouldn’t give me back my original requisition for the ultrasound (or even a photocopy), saying that I wouldn’t need it. I argued with them three times, as my midwife explicitly said that I would need to bring both to the blood lab. The receptionist at the fertility clinic became annoyed with me, went on a rant about how much she hates midwives, and then sent me away without the requisition and measurements from today’s NT scan. When we got to the blood lab, the nurse wouldn’t accept my blood requisition without the ultrasound requisition and measurements. Faaaaaaack. I was right. I frantically called the fertility clinic, which stopped answering their phone and closed up for the weekend. I ended up calling their head office and bitching to them, and eventually the rude midwife-hating receptionist faxed the requisition. 

– Abnormal NT on ultrasound- the cut off is 2.5, but the show concern for anything above 2mm. Dumplin’s NT was 3.8mm. I could see the bulge on her ultrasound and was nearly in tears while I watched the sonographer measure it over and over again, 3.6, 3.5, 3.8…. They are supposed to report the largest value. This means that there is a chance that Dumplin’ has trisomy 21, 18, or 13, or a heart defect. I have spent the day crying and obsessively googling related terms. DW and I went out for dinner and did some shopping, but we’ve both been trying to process what this means. 

Dr. Google has been less than hopeful in terms of what I should expect. DW and I have talked about doing further testing like an amniocentesis to get a definitive answer. The way this IPS/NT testing works is that I have to do IPS part two at 16 weeks, then we get results when I’m 18 weeks. That is a long time to wait for answers. We are both trying to be optimistic about this, as obviously we want Dumplin’ to be healthy, and realize there is a high rate of false positives for the NT test. However, it seems that in our 3+ years of TTC, we’ve fallen on the rare and shitty end of the statistics more than once: infertility, RPL, miscarrying a chromosomally normal embryo…

My midwife appointment isn’t until 15 weeks, but I don’t think I can go that long without some answers. I plan to see my family doctor next and ask if she can requisition a repeat scan. I also want to do the amniocentesis if it remains high, so we have something definitive.

I woke up this morning like it was Christmas Day, excited to see our little Dumplin’ and share that moment with my wife. Instead, we were treated with discrimination, and were given news that there might be something terribly wrong with our Dumplin’. 

Here is our beautiful Dumplin’:


Crown Rump Length measuring four days ahead at 12w4d, with a heart rate of 170bpm.

Please please send us your hopeful thoughts and prayers for our little one to be healthy. 

134 thoughts on “12 Weeks: Worried and Lost in the Woods

    • Thank you. I’m devastated. It’s taken us so long and two IVFs to get here and I’m just feeling like we deserve a nice and easy pregnancy. When is the QUAD4 done?

      • The Quad is a combined analysis of blood tests done same day as NT scan and blood tests done at 15-16 weeks and gives an estimated risk of various aneuploidies as well as Spina Bifida.

      • Okay, I guess I did part one of the Quad then? All I was told was that there were three parts to this test: my NT ultrasound + bloodwork on same day, then second bloodwork at week 16. Is it the same thing then?

      • The second part was where I was told our screen was positive for SB which meant elevated risk. Of course I now know that result can arise from a compromised placenta due to immune issues but didn’t know that then. Other serum screen positives that correlate to Tri 21 can be the result of immune issues too apparently – Braverman recently posted an article about this after my scare when he did that research for me late one night. Im so glad we had done the NIPT so at least weren’t freaked out about a potential aneuploidy as well. Had you and DW talked before about what you would do if your child was diagnosed with aneuploidy? We have gone into every pregnancy with a discussion and our agreed plan but the SB threw us for a massive loop. I really really really feel for you and DW right now. So scary and such a slap in the face after all we go through to get here. Sending peaceful energy, love and strength to you both.

      • Thank you. I know you’ve been to hell and back too. What a way to start a new life, eh? Geeze.

        Yes, we’ve talked about what we would do if there was an aneuploidy, and we both are in complete agreement. It’s still hard though. I am just hoping so hard that this is a false positive, and that Dumplin’ is just fine.

      • Hard to say. I couldn’t tell from the ultrasound today. I honestly wonder about how much experience a fertility ultrasound tech would have with visualizing fetal organs… I really should’ve gone to an ultrasound lab.

      • Can you talk to your midwife about having the scan repeated at a proper lab? Where I live there are very few techs trained to do NT scans. In fact in the past I had to go to the hospital because none of the private labs had qualified techs. That’s really important – do you know if this tech even had the NT certification?

      • I’m glad she remembered for you-I replied to your comment after waking up from a late night couch nap and was so groggy. I’m hopeful your bloodwork comes back just fine.

      • I did go back and check my timeline and my Quad 4 was done at my 17 week appointment….so you might just double check with your clinic. Apparently it can be done at different times.

  1. Wow, that’s just awful!! I’m so sorry you were treated with such disrespect. I want to go yell at the office for you- that is completely unacceptable. As for your results, I’m holding out hope that the amnio shows that everything is perfect and this nurse is just incompetent, as well as a closed minded jerk. My thoughts will be with you.

    • Thank you. Yes, we are super upset about it all. I almost couldn’t write this post because my head and heart are overwhelmed. Thanks for the support. All I wish is that Dumplin’ is healthy and normal.

  2. Ok I have to comment now while it’s fresh in my mind – I’ll read the rest after. What the fuck. What the fuck?!?! Am I wrong to think that for one, you’re PAYING for this scan, therefore it’s a service, therefore put your fucking judgements aside and make your clients feel COMFORTABLE. Second, is it not in your file that you’re a same sex couple? Do they not have sensitivity training? Third, this is a fucking fertility clinic – Hello – a little sensitivity training? Ugh I’m so sorry sweetie that’s not cool at all. I know it doesn’t change your experience, but my 12 wk scan with DD was similar in a few ways. The tech was clearly uncomfortable with DW being in the room with me and holding my hand, and was being super short and cold. She kept getting frustrated and blanking me that DD was in a weird position for the scan measurements and that she was hyperactive, so every time the chick got a clear shot DD would do a little flip and piss her off even more. Anyway, all this to say I’m really angry for you. This is ridiculous.

  3. I am so sorry. For what it’s worth, maybe a little something to put your mind at ease our NT test showed nothing in the ultrasound (1.7mm) and was also told low for trisomy 18 at 1:200 from bloods. As I was only 27 my results came back as low risk from both bloods and ultrasound. I have had many friends have a “Hugh risk pregnancy” with large numbers found from the NT ultrasound who have gone on to have very healthy babies. The only thing I remember is being so strong for our little girl, it didn’t matter to me what everyone else thought and what Google said I wasn’t going to give up.
    I hope everything is ok for you all. Sending all the love and health.

  4. I have tears rolling down my cheek for your right now. I am devastated that the scan was such a horrible experience – I cannot believe you were treated so poorly and quite honestly I hope when you are able to handle it you put in a complaint. I am even more so saddened to hear that you are at risk and now forced to wait for further testing. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this news has been for you and DW to digest. I feel angry at the universe for the struggles you continue to face, seriously, you deserve an easy pregnancy and a healthy little baby!!
    I’m here for you if you ever need anything. Sending you both love and wishing you more strength to get through the wait and the anxiety.

    • Thanks MPB. It does seem like the universe is out to get us. I’m so frustrated and sick of the bad luck. I hope that my family doctor can come through for us and we can do a repeat ultrasound. I’m holding out hope that this is just a false positive, and that Dumplin’ is perfectly healthy. Thanks for the love and strength, we can definitely use it.

      • I’ve been thinking about you all weekend, and so has Mr. MPB (yes, I keep him up-to-date with a few of my blogging friends).
        I don’t have any amazingly supportive words of wisdom right now, but I did want to let you know that we are thinking of you and hoping with everything we have that your little one is just fine.

  5. Beautiful little baby! I’m so livid for you for today. I can’t believe your own clinic could be so awful to you. For the whole thing. So distasteful. I agree that it’s worth it to get a second opinion. You never know, the bitch may have not been getting anything right. I’m thinking of you lots. You can’t possible always fall in the shitty end of stats. You just can’t. Big hugs. Xx

    • Thanks. DW also suspects that in her homophobic haze, she did a shitty job of measuring the NT length. Hopefully a second scan will prove to be normal. Fingers and toes crossed. Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness. It really does help.

  6. I’m so sorry for the way you both were treated. Absolutely horrible and I hope you’ll be filing an official complaint. I’ve had 2 close friends get false results w/ the NT. A really good friend of mine was convinced their baby had Down Syndrome and she’s a perfectly healthy 2-year old. I know what you mean though about falling on the shitty end of statistics, and I would worry too. I’m so sorry things felt so awful today when it was supposed to be such a special day. šŸ’œ

    • Thank you. You explained it perfectly- it was particularly painful because we went into it totally optimistic and hopeful, and never did we expect this to happen. Hopefully it’s a false positive, and Dumplin’ is healthy and normal.

  7. What an awful day you’ve had. Your clinic sounds terrible, there is no place for bigotry in health- be it homophobia or thinking the know better then the midwife.
    I think you are right as well in seeing a healthcare provider sooner then the four weeks. Is it possible to meet with the midwife before your next scheduled appointment?
    Here is Australia it is routine to do 12w Nt scan, but NIPT blood tests are becoming more popular. They take about 2 weeksI think slightly more accurate for results.
    Fingers crossed for you, and sorry that you had such a horrid experience.

    • The NIPT test isn’t really done in Canada, though I’ve found a clinic a few cities away that does arrange for the blood to be taken and sent to the States for analysis. It is super costly though, as it isn’t covered by our health plan ($1000 out of pocket). Thank you for sending me down this road, as I think this might be a good route to pursue.

      • My friend got a positive screening on Canadian test and decides on the nipt instead of amnio because Of the miscarriage chance. After weeks of pure torture and panic… Perfectly healthy baby. The nipt was very nice to ease her mind.

      • I meant to say as well, that ultrasound can be very subjective and results can be dependent on the operator. The second scan that you mentioned in your post sounds like a really good idea, especially if you can locate a specialist clinic that just does obstetrics and gyne scans. Good luck and fingers crossed for you

  8. How awful to have to go through all of that after everything it took just to get to this point. I am so incredibly sorry that you had the day from hell. I am seriously praying hard that the tech was just a total fuck up and didn’t get an accurate measurement.

  9. I’m so sorry you had a rough day. The monographer sounds so horrible and I can’t believe you were treated that way. I am so angry on your behalf. And as for the results, I’ll be hoping this is a false alarm and that your Dumplin’ is absolutely healthy. Hugs.

  10. I’m so sorry for this terrifying news and the horrible bigoted treatment by the homophobic technician.

    You can pay out of pocket to get Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing done – about $800 for Harmony and $1000 for MaterniT21 – which can be done with a blood test as early as 10 weeks and results are sent to your doctor (Midwife) within a week. I did the MaterniT21 Plus and encountered every eff up imaginable so if you want to do that let me know and I will tell you who to talk to and what to do/not do to ensure what happened in my case does not happen in yours. Almost no rush unlike CVS or Amnio and high accuracy – higher than the MSS quad. Sometimes high NT readings still result in healthy and euploid babies. I am going to keep hoping and praying Dumplin is one of those babies.

    • Thanks for the suggestion. I think this is the route that we will go, now that you and another commenter have suggested it. What is the difference between the Harmony and MaterniT21?

      • MaterniT21 tests for more things. Only difference apart from cost and fact that Harmony has a system set up to work with an office in Canada whereas with MaterniT21 you deal directly with the lab, Sequenom, in San Diego. Look both up and see what you two think. We did Mat over Harmony for greater number of things tested. I have a contact person and would introduce you to him via email so he could take good care of you – he fixed the problems the lab and accounting people created for me and got me a substantial refund in apology for the screw ups. My GP had good experiences with Harmony so I think either is a good choice just depends your preference.

      • Hi – we are going through something similar right now – there were soft markers on our 20 week scan. We live in Ontario, too. I wanted to let you know that with the thick nuchal fold, you are likely eligible for MOHLTC funding for the non-invasive prenatal testing. We’ve just gone through this in the past week and I’ve blogged about it if you want more info, or if you have any questions I am happy to answer them… It took less than 48 hours for the funding approval for the test to come through, it is 99% accurate, and should get the results within 10 days. My thoughts are with you; this is such a hard thing to be going through.

      • Thank you, I would love more info. I will check out your blog. I am so sorry you’re going through this right now too. I hope things turn out fine for your baby. Thanks again for the comment.

  11. It’s a screening, not a definitive diagnostic test. I hope it’s just a case where the screen is a false positive. I’ll keep you guys in my thoughts.

    • Yes, you’re right. It’s a screen, and it gives lots of false positives. I’m hoping this is the case for us, and Dumplin’ is fine. For once in my life, I hate statistics!

  12. Oh sweetie, I saw your post on Instagram and I’m just so sorry you two have to deal with this huge fear. You’ve been through enough. I am going to send lots of positive thoughts your way that this result turns out to be absolutely nothing because that is one beautiful baby with a beautiful heartbeat. I’m so sorry the scan was such a traumatic experience. Sending much love.

    • Thank you Molly. It’s funny because I was thinking this morning how great I feel about everything- how I’ve kinda come to peace with the random bleeding, how I’m okay with continuing the fragmin injections, and how excited I was about being done with the endometrin. I also realized that I was actually coming to enjoy this pregnancy without fear… And then this happens! Life is a BYATCH. Thanks for the positive thoughts. I hope that our baby is just fine, but maybe wants me to appreciate her a bit more.

  13. I’m so sorry to hear that your appointment went so poorly! I totally understand where you are at right now. While our NT and quad went fine, at 19 weeks we had our anatomy scan and they decided baby’s head was too big in relation to his arms and legs, which is supposedly a sign of DS. We were totally devastated and caught off guard because our road was long and we were youngish too. Long story short, they let us do the NIPT (blood test that picks up fetal DNA which you can do at like 9 weeks). Our results came back in a week and were perfect. So personally I say fuck ultrasounds (haven’t done one since). See if you can get the blood test before even considering and amnio. It sounds like your tech was in a bitchy mood, which could have made her less accurate. I have a good feeling things will be fine for you too, but I know the anguish you must feel right now and am sending warm thoughts!

    • Wow, sounds like ultrasounds really are unreliable! Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, I think the NIPT is the way we’ll go if a repeat ultrasound (with a better technician) proves to be abnormal too. Fingers crossed that you’re right, and Dumplin’ is normal. I’m so glad your babe turned out fine.

  14. I’m so sorry, what an awful day. Can you do anyting about the discrimination? That should be illegal. I will send healthy vibes to you little dumplin. I hope you can get some answers soon. I didn’t read all the comments and don’t know a lot about it, but isn’t there a blood test you can do that is pretty accurate? Although I do know of someone who got a false positive on one of those as well. Sending positive thoughts your way.

    • Thank you for all the positive and healthy vibes. You’re right- there is a blood test, which I just found out about through commenters on here, and we will probably do. Thank goodness for blogging and all you awesome commenters!

  15. I commented on instagram but I second what spiritbabycomehome says… I’d do the second scan then line up the US bloodwork if needed. Sending much love to all of you! (PS we still don’t have our results back yet…. Gotta call my OB but I’m hoping it’s all good since he didn’t call and my next appointment isn’t for a few weeks). I also would file a complaint about your treatment at the clinic. Shame on her!

    • Thanks Linds. Yeah, I think that’s what I’m gonna do. You gals on WordPress are such an amazing support. Honestly, I feel better having more options. I hope your IPS results are good, and that you won’t have anything to worry about. Re: the clinic, there have been so many incompetencies and rude interactions that I don’t even know who to complain to.

  16. So fucked up. It sounds like the tech was just a flustered mess. I’m sending positive thoughts your way and hoping a second scan just reveals the incompetency of this technician. You should definitely file a formal complaint about her treatment of you and your wife. Dumplin’ is gorgeous, by the way!

  17. Oh I’m so so sorry. First off – Fuck that ultrasound tech. . . Can you bring up her behavior to someone at the office? You deserve nothing but deep respect and equitable treatment. I’m so very sorry. I’m also sending prayers for a quick and positive resolution to the abnormal scan. The last thing you need is to be worried about this. I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy. Big love.

    • Thanks Andie. They’re all a bunch of assholes in that clinic. Time after time, they refuse to acknowledge DW as my partner, and we’ve kinda decided that sadly, we still need them until we get the 2.5 kids we want. I hope all of this NT madness is resolved quickly too. Deep down, I just know Dumplin’ healthy, but I just need the proof.

  18. I am so sorry to hear about the NT scan. Please Universe, let Dumplin be healthy and thrive. It just disgusts me to read about this discrimination. I am so sorry for DW, who wanted to see the baby so badly, and for you, having to be physically touched by a person who doesn’t accept you and your loving marriage. What a bitch. I’m sorry you’ve had such a shitty day. I’m sending you so much love and light and hope.

    • Thank you. I know you experienced some discrimination and homophobia meeting your neighbours, and I hope that situation has improved a bit. I feel so terrible for DW, because we had hyped up this moment so much, as she hasn’t had much of a chance to be involved in this pregnancy so far… And then this happens and makes her feel even less a part of it. It brings up old wounds for her too, like her two miscarriages, and how those four embryos “didn’t choose her”. It’s so terrible. And then focusing on Dumplin’, the fear of ‘what if’ is like a stain on this pregnancy right now. I’m glad that I’ve got so much good advice on here so that we can begin to understand what is going on.

      • This sounds really hard for both of you. To finally have a successful pregnancy and then be treated poorly while you’re learning something really difficult is so unfair. We haven’t seen that particular neighbor much at all but it’s always uncomfortable to know someone out there thinks poorly of your family. I’m sending you and DW and Dumplin so much love and support right now. Come on Dumplin, you have to be strong because you have awesome moms!

      • Thanks. Yeah, it’s like a kick to the gut when you’re already down. I’m just shocked that this type of crap happens in a country where same sex marriage had been legal since 2005.

  19. I’m still so mad about your scan I can’t let it go. Fertility clinics are SUPPOSED to be gay-friendly by nature. If nothing else, they should realize the financial gain they get from gay couples, but way beyond that, recognize how hard and long you and DW have worked for this. You’ve already been through so much, you need support and caring right now. I’m so upset this happened to you guys.

    • Thank you. I know. It’s so frustrating. And the power dynamic makes everything even worse- that we need them because we can’t get pregnant like straight people, and because they’re storing our 5 frozen embryos. Ugh.

      • And to know you have to keep paying them and using them even though you were mistreated – Ggrr! Can you talk to a doctor or manager there who you know supports gay families?

      • It’s tough because the fertility work-up is so involved (blood work and ultrasounds all the time) and the clinics likely to be most gay-friendly are not feasible in terms of distance. We’d have to take so much time off work to just to regular bloodwork even. Whereas, right now with this clinic, we can easily get bloodwork and ultrasound done in the morning on the way to work.

        I think it’s because we live in the suburbs, where there’s tons of homophobia.

      • On I see. Yes I guess clinics in the city are much different than in the suburbs and driving to the city for IVF bloodwork wouldn’t work. It just sucks that this happens to you guys. I’m sorry šŸ˜¦

  20. I’m feeling a deep rage over the way you were treated, only muted by my concern for you and your little. My sister also had a false positive (as others have mentioned), I’m sending thoughts of the same your way. Let me know if you need a back up ass kicker. I’ll bet a while slew of us could come up and go mama bear on her butt. ā¤

  21. God love I’m so sorry. Will you complain? That idiot homophobe has probably fucked it all up. Hoping you can get a more reliable result by another means. Hugs.

    • Thanks. I’m unlikely to complain because we need the clinic to help us with our next attempt, and they’re storing our frozen embryos. I hate this power dynamic. There are so many examples of why I dislike this clinic, and of their incompetence.

      • It’s just so terrible that they can treat you and DW like that and get away with it because you need them. So sorry.

  22. Oh, no! I am so, so sorry. First, that tech ought to be spoken to and reprimanded. I know that’s the least of your worries right now, but the way she treated you two is completely unacceptable. Same with the receptionist. Is everyone at that clinic a miserable sod?

    And Dumplin’…that is horrible news to receive, my heart aches for you so deeply. I’ll be praying for you and hoping you get the opportunity to get another ultrasound from another lab. I’m hoping your midwife can talk with you about this early next week, too. Holding you both (well, all 3 of you) in my heart.

    • Thanks Linds. My next appointment with my midwife isn’t for another 4 weeks, and I’m not sure, but are they okay with me requesting another appointment outside of this “schedule” they have for me? I’ve not yet felt out the boundaries of this relationship, so I’m not even sure.

      As for the clinic, yeah, ugh. You have heard some stories already about the gems that work there. Sucks that we still need them, and that they’re storing my frozen embryos.

  23. I am so so sorry you are going through this. We had an abnormal NT earlier this pregnancy (2.9). We were first referred for the free cell DNA test (brand names in US are materniT21, Panorama, Verifi, Harmony), which was thankfully normal. It’s still a screening test, but VERY acurate- I highly recommend it. I think the test is about $900 in the US if it’s not covered by insurance. We also met with a maternal fetal medicine specialist right away, who answered all our questions- is a consult like that possible for you? Our MFM was really pushing for us to do an amnio, but we declined. We also had a fetal echo at 18 weeks and then again at 22 weeks- both normal. Good luck! Such scary news to recieve.

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. Yeah, I’m not sure how they will proceed with us in Canada, but at least I know what non-invasive options there are available. Thanks!

  24. I’m so sad about your experience with the tech! I hope you complained and gave them a piece of your mind on that as well! As for Dumplin’ – I sure hope that all this worrying will end in happy stuff, I am definitely sending you love and positive thoughts during this scary time!

  25. OMG, firstly the ultrasound tech was just so far out of order it’s untrue – what was her problem?? And all huffing and puffing because the baby wasn’t in the right position – ridiculous. Her complete lack of professionalism in dealing with you both is dreadful, just dreadful. As for your NT – I’m sure you’ve googled this to the point of exhaustion already, but I’ve been doing the same after my doctor said how high my baseline risk is. I’ve read LOADS of forum posts from probably hundreds of women who had high NT measurements and high risk, only to have a baby without Downs. However, I know that’s no comfort, because the risk is there for a reason. We are going for the Harmony test – I want as close to certainty as possible as soon as possible and I won’t risk an amnio or CVS given the mc risk and what’s it’s taken to get to this point. Harmony can be done any time after week 10 – I’m not sure how it works over there, but it’s expensive here and we have to pay privately for it. I hope you have the option for this, as it removes a great deal of the speculation. I am so sorry it turned into such a sh*tty experience and after everything you’ve been through you’re now dealing with this. I am hoping so much for you that this is just a hurdle that you’ll get over and everything will be fine xxxx

    • Thank you so much. I am hoping to a test like the Harmony too. It’s paid out of pocket here as well, and runs about 800 dollars I think. With an NT this high though, another blogger said that I might be able to get the test partially covered. We’ll see, when will you get the test done? I hope it turns out fine.

      • We’re booked to have it at 11 weeks. I’m trying not to worry but it’s hard to overcome the paranoia. I hope you manage to get it partially covered. $800 is a lot – it’s similar here with the exchange rate. I really hope it all turns out okay for you. I do know two women in real life who had horrendous pregnancies with talk of terrible things after they had overly large head measurements and cysts in the brain respectively. They both saw consultants and there were tears and fears, but at the end of the day they both had completely healthy babies, despite all the speculation about what they might have to deal with (one was just a massive 10lb baby, the other lost the cysts in the final weeks before delivery). Hang in there – you’ll get through this x

  26. I am totally shocked how those bad experiences just keep piling up for you. You’ve been through enough already. I am hoping so much little dumpling is healthy and the repeat scan shows better results. It very much seems like that tech was doing an extremely shitty job.
    I will continue to think positive thoughts and send hope for your little one and you. Her picture is very sweet.

  27. Jesus, what a stressful day. When you have the emotional energy I would write a letter to the clinic about the tech. No one should feel uncomfortable when receiving medical care. If she can’t deal with every conceivable family type she needs to not be in a field where she encounters EVERY SINGLE FAMILY TYPE.

    I sounds as though you have the next steps to get reassured around baby. I’m sorry for the stress and an sending all the best from NYC.

    • Thank you, you’re right, we should sent a letter, because no one deserves to be treated like this. Yup, I have some direction now, and feel a lot better about where to take this thanks to my WordPress community.

  28. The next time you go back (if you go back there) you hold your head up high and demand that your wife go with you. if she refuses ask for another sonographer. She is absolutely in the wrong field if she can’t handle a lesbian couple šŸ™‚ With the terrible time that the sonographer had getting pics, I wonder how accurate she really was? Sonography is very subjective to the person scanning. (I know my wife is a sonographer). Her measurements could be off. I know this is scary but I hope you get some answers soon. I’ll be thinking about you!

  29. I’d definitely want the test repeated. Sounds like that tech is a knob. So sorry for everything you (both) went through today. Sending big hugs and healthy baby wishes your way.

  30. You should be able to get Harmony covered. If you find that your doctors aren’t receptive (we could tell some fertility clinic stories too – you’d think they’d realize how much of their business we represent) you can ask for a referral to the prenatal genetics clinic at Mount Sinai. Our situation was quite different, because there were obvious problems at the anatomy scan but the NT was fine, but we found the genetics team incredibly supportive and they followed us through my subsequent pregnancy. They are able to get funding in place quickly for certain extra tests.

    Thinking of you all. I know how stressful this is.

    • Thanks for the advice. I remember how difficult your situation was. I am just hoping that my midwife gets the information back soon (I’m not sure that we can act on what I saw from the NT scan alone because it’s part of that 2-part IPS). It would suck to have to wait until 18 weeks to do the Harmony test.

  31. I have to admit that my emotions were all over the place reading this…I am so angry for the way you and DW were treated! How frustrating and infuriating! I woulda let that tech know about herself! She would have gotten an earful AND I woula made a stink with the Dr and the receptionist. I suggest you leave a bad review! And then the scan…. Ugh…my heart was racing but I have to echo what everyone said…false positives happen all the time, aside from the fact that you had a completely incompetent tech! Im praying that it all turns out well. You both have been through enough, so I’ll also pray that you both continue to find strength and lean on each other no matter what the true results. I love you both and in hoping and praying with everything I’ve got for the best results!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of empathy, and for your prayers. In my gut, I feel like this is likely a false positive. I just think that the waiting and jumping through hoops to get some definitive answers is going to be the biggest challenge. We are holding up okay, but so tired- like literally exhausted- from the curve balls that keep getting thrown at us.

  32. I’ve already PM’d you in facebook and have just had the time to read through all these amazing comments from our amazing community. So glad there is some good advice and suggestions for you. I’m so pissed off that you are in a situation where you can’t even make a complaint about the sonographer & receptionist without feeling your care could be compromised. Thinking of you. X

    • Thank you. Yes, I agree. I’m am so grateful for the wealth of support and advice from my WordPress community. It feels like you all hold my hand through these difficult times.

  33. I’m am truly hoping it’s a false positive. And I’m sorry for commenting now and making you relive this day but I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you guys.
    My blood was boiling reading about the ultra sound tech being a dick. Can we seriously move on already, people? Jesus H. Christ.
    Anyway. Sending lots of love

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