Home » Pregnancy 2015 » Having a Hard Time

Having a Hard Time

I just got off the phone with our midwife, and am waiting at my family doctor’s office for my appointment. The midwife says that I should be referred to a genetics specialist right away (and not wait until the rest of my blood results come in) because the Nuchal translucency value was so high. 

I’ve printed off requisitions for the NIPT blood test that can screen with quite a high level of accuracy for the trisomies. Since Dumplin’s NT value is greater than 3.5mm, we might qualify for this test to be covered by our provincial health care program.


We applied for funding for the NIPT test. We should hear back in a couple of days. I have to thank Sarah of Hearts and Spiritbaby for their invaluable guidance and advice through this part of the process. I also want to thank all of you who commented on my last post because at the time that I hit “publish”, I was feeling so hopeless and helpless. But your helpful and thoughtful comments helped me out of that hole. Right now I feel like there is a plan. Applications are waiting to be approved. Appointments waiting to be made. There is nothing else that I can do. It’s out of my hands. 

I met with an old friend of mine from teachers college for lunch today. I caught her up on our year while we inhaled gluten-free pizzas from Magic Oven. She is an awesome lady, and such a good listener. She has Celiac Disease as well, and just recently had her entire thyroid removed due to fast-growing nodules. She spent last year teaching up in a northern community, and I loved hearing and seeing pictures of her experiences there. She is also a physics geek like me, but can’t seem to get a teaching job because frankly, there really are none available. It sucks because she is so good with at-risk kids.

Lots has been going on over here. I have just been so consumed by this abnormal NT scan that I haven’t had the balls to catch y’all up. I’m also sorry if I’m not as good at commenting lately for the same reason.

Here’s a quick list to catch you up:

– We might be going on strike due to the outrageous conditions being imposed on our teaching contracts (it’s not about money, the government wants to do stupid things to pay down their self-made debt. Things like removing the cap on class sizes and other ridiculous things that they are not publicizing). This means that as a two-teacher household, we will not be getting a paycheck from our employer if we go on strike. Money is gonna be tight.

– I am finally done with those nasty Endometrin suppositories! 

– I was offered (and accepted) the job that I applied for at a different school. It doesn’t start until September, but it’s 7 minutes from my house (compared to 45), and I’ll be teaching with a lot of my friends. I’m so relieved and happy about this.

– I started knitting Dumplin’ a baby blanket. It’s similar to the Chevron pattern that Molly from Hound Mamas made for her little girl. I’ve got a lot of random yarn, and so far I’ve just been working on the cream colour section. I thinking of making it cream- grey- cream- pale green- cream- grey- cream

I also made a delicious Manhattan clam chowder:

I made a huge batch yesterday, which became dinner for today because I spent the entire afternoon crying. Thank you to the good friend that texted with me (you know who you are). Please keep our Dumplin’ in your thoughts and prayers. Fingers still crossed for a healthy normal blood screen. We love you Dumplin’.

53 thoughts on “Having a Hard Time

  1. I love your little Dumpling too, and I am so hopeful and yet scared for you right now. Considering the current circumstances, I’m relieved to hear that you are getting all the appointments lined up, hopefully soon you will have all the information imaginable. I am holding you, DW and your Dumpling in my heart and thoughts. Sending you love my friend.
    P.S. congrats on the new job at the school close to your home!! Reading this, I felt like the new position was a bright spot in your day! I’m excited for you to spend less time driving and more time working with friends!!

    • Thank you so much for your love and strength, for us and for Dumplin’. I think it’s the waiting and the thoughts that happen during that time that is the worst part of this process. I wish we could have answers immediately.

      Yes, work at least, is a relief. I must’ve had about 10 personal messages from colleagues that work at that school, congratulating me shortly after I was offered the job! It’s nice having so many people excited to have you back. What a positive contrast to the current hell hole I’m supposed to return to soon. Ugh.

  2. I’m so hopeful that the high NT is just a random anomaly and everything is fine. So so hopeful. I love that you call him/her dumplin. I sometimes call our new cat lil dumplin and now when I do it I’ll always have you in my thoughts. Keeping you there anyway and thinking good things for you ma’am.

  3. Congrats on the new job!!! That’s so awesome. Hopefully the strike goes well. As far as the NT, I know it’s not what anyone wants but children with DS are blessings. My wife’s sister was born w/ DS and she the day she was born she told me “my life is over.” and I told her “it’s just beginning.” My sister in law is now 6 and the light of our lives. It’s not easy, it’s challenging at times, but we couldn’t imagine our lives any other way. She is healthy (aside from the extra chromosome) and that’s all we really care about is her over all health. I pray that you find comfort whatever the outcome is. If you ever need to talk I’m still here! (Silent… but here) you’re not alone! Try to stay positive.

    • Thanks for sharing about your SIL. It’s interesting what different experiences people have with developmentally challenged individuals. My mother’s older sister is DC, and her family had a really difficult time with her. My mother once found my aunt hitting me (aged 5) and my sister (aged 2) because we were playing with her toys. I still have a scar under my chin from her throwing me against a door frame. I know this isn’t typical of all DC people, but I think we will definitely need to educate ourselves fully on the spectrum of what to expect.

      • Aww I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know how the resources are there but here there are so many different programs available. A social worker is assigned from birth and follow them into adulthood. She was taught sign language which helped so much since her speech is still delayed. I really hope that Dumplin is fine, but I know that if he/she is DC remember it’s a blessing and not a punishment. Thinking of you girls!

      • Yes that was our attitude too – although we haven’t had to face a potential reality of that. I worked for the Family Planning Association specializing in educating young people with DS and their carers, about sexual health, appropriate behaviour, and their right to relationships etc. My ex worked at a day programme for adults with varying levels of DS. They were all a really sweet, hilarious, vivacious bunch of people. The majority of whom were living happy, independent, fulfilled lives. X

  4. I’m so relieved to hear that people are working quickly with you and helping line up the next steps. I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way. And congrats on the new job! What an amazing difference this will make on your quality of life!

    • Thank you. Yes, at least the process is underway and I’m not twiddling my thumbs waiting for the process to get started. I’m so happy about the job too. This year has been so tough party because work at this location is such a miserable place for me.

  5. Good to see you’re getting all your appointments lined up. Sending you strength for the ones ahead.
    Sending little dumpling love too!
    Congratulations on the job!! That’s fantastic. Here’s hoping things aren’t too hard for you guys during the strike.

    • Thank you. I just hope that the NIPT funding comes in quickly so that I can start that 10 day wait and just KNOW. Ya know? The strike is likely to be long and painful, but I actually think it will be a nice break for DW to not be in the classroom for a bit. She’s been totally overextended lately. Thank you for the love and strength.

  6. Good luck with your NIPT application. I hope you feel a little better knowing things are underway or in progress.
    Enjoy knitting dumplin’s little blankie, it sounds really cute.

    • Thank you. I do feel a bit better knowing that things are in the works. Knitting the blanket is also kind of comforting. It forces me to focus on the positive- that she will be healthy and come home to us.

  7. Congratulations on your new job! Amongst all of this & first trimester exhaustion/sickness, you managed to get yourself a new job! You are amazing.

    I can’t wait to see the blanket you’re working on. Are you knitting it flat or on circular needles? I just got a bunch of yarn to knit a blanket but am not sure if I want to knit flat or circular. Thinking circular but

    I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers every day and I will continue to.

    • Yeah, it was a bit rough going in for that interview. I had just started bleeding again minutes before I left the house, and my belly had just started to pop, and I really wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret because I didn’t want it to affect my chances of getting this job (even though it shouldn’t).

      I’m knitting it on circular needles- they afford me greater width compared to straight needles. What kind of blanket are you gonna knit?

      • I’m knitting a baby blanket for some good friends who just found out they’re expecting. Just a simple, easy one – nothing fancy like the chevrons! I’ve made so many hats and scarves, so it’s time to move on to other projects. 🙂

  8. I didn’t finish my thought above about knitting…Evie distracted me. I was going to say *but that makes me nervous b/c I’m still a newbie on circular needles.

  9. Just want you to know, I’ve been thinking of you and your wife. Wishing everything could just be easy. 💜 Congrats on your new job! That’s really great! The blanket sounds neat and a welcomed distraction. And know it’s okay to not respond to comments. They’re nice to read, but I know sometimes it’s so hard when you’re dealing with so much. Hugs!

    • Thank you. You’re sweet. I am very excited for the new job, which ironically feels like “coming home”. Thanks for letting me off the hook for commenting. You’re right- sometimes it can become a bit overwhelming, but right now it’s such a welcome distraction 🙂

  10. Umm, hell yeah new job and peace of mind!!! I know how badly you wanted out of that other place where they made you feel like crap! So that’s freaking awesome! Fingers are crossed that you get that NIPT grant…that would be so great…and in still praying about this NT scan being nothing. 70% chance that it’s normal are really good odds…I always tell Callie, science is awesome, but it’s not perfect…and something tells me that the tech was less than good at what she does. Little dumplin’, you got a lot of people rooting for you kiddo! Love you girl, and no matter what, I’ve got your back!

    • Thanks hun. You’re awesome. I agree science is awesome but throw in human error and the wrong context and shit can go wrong real quick. I really hope that we are in that 70%. I am praying so hard for this.

  11. I hope you fall within the false positive end of the stats this time. Sounds like you have a lot of stressful stuff on your plate,but you’re sounding like you’re in a much better place. Congrats on the new job!!! I bet that’ll make a big difference in your day to day. I want that chowder recipe!! I don’t think I ever mentioned it before, but I have a half brother with DS. He’s 4 years older than I am and he can be a handful and there are challenges for sure, but he’s also pretty bloody amazing. He’s really great with his nieces and nephews too – the best part about being a big “kid” is he is always interested in being their source of entertainment, and he has a really big heart. Xx

  12. Finding a new job while pregnant is a brave task! You are lucky the school board is supportive. Hang in there friend. I know the waiting game is the hardest, but soon enough you will have the answers. BIG HUGS ❤

    • Thank you. Well, I’m permanent with the school board, so I’m guaranteed a job somewhere… The tricky part is applying for places that you want to be because it’s super competitive. For example, I work for the largest school board in Canada, and this year there was only ONE posting for physics, and I got it. They had upwards of 100 qualified applicants for the position, which is why I kinda felt that I should keep the pregnancy a secret. It’s so competitive, and while pregnancy shouldn’t be a reason to discriminate, it often is because it’s a pain in the ass for the school board to hire another teacher to temporarily fill my spot when I’m on mat leave. The nice thing is that my job is protected when I’m off, with the option of taking an additional year off without EI/pay.

      The waiting sucks, but I’ve done so many two week waits now that I feel like I’m a pro at waiting 🙂

  13. Oh Hon, I am so sorry you’re under so much stress right now. Praying that all will be well with your lil’ dumplin’. Teachers have been under attack here in WI for the last 4 years ever since the current governor took over and yet we can’t seem to get rid of him…and he wants to run for President…God help us all!!! I’m so happy you got the job you wanted though! 🙂

    • Thank you. Yeah teachers seem to take a beating everywhere in the US/Canada. I think it’s because the general public doesn’t realize how much work it really is, and how much we care about the kids.

  14. You’ve been on my mind this week. I’m so excited that you got the new job! The thought of you having to go back to the old place was just–ugh. I wish you didn’t have all of these unknown scary things to contend with right now, but I am continuing to think nothing but good thoughts for little Dumplin’. Hopefully the knitting will help keep your hands busy and your mind occupied while you wait for things to sort themselves out. How have you been feeling physically?

    • Thanks Molly. As always, your support is so appreciated. Right now I’m keeping my mind busy with food! Lol. Pregnancy is the weirdest combination of food cravings and food aversions. For example, I puked when trying to brush my teeth this morning, but right now all I want to do is bake some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I’m feeling okay otherwise. I have a mild full-body ache in my joints (perhaps because of the relaxin), and am still tired in the afternoons, but other than that, I’m feeling alright. The recent stresses have impacted my sleep though. I haven’t had a good sleep in a couple of weeks thanks to job stress and this damn NT scan. It’s crazy because I’m 13 weeks on Friday, and I was expecting to be celebrating surviving the first trimester, but this NT scan stuff has put that excitement on pause. How are you doing? You still feeling crappy?

      • Pregnancy sleep is already awful, let alone when you have a million things on your mind. Have you tried any meditation? I was having an awful time sleeping while all of our bleeding and our loss happened, and I would sometimes use the circle + bloom tracks I had from IVF, but I also bought a few tracks of rain/water sounds and that would help me calm myself in the middle of the night too.

        Pregnancy and food is such a bizarre relationship. For me, I either want something or I absolutely cannot stand the thought of it. There is rarely any middle ground. We used to go to a local Mexican place almost every weekend, but now the only way Catch can get me to go in there is if I feel guilty for depriving her of one of her favorite things for too long AND I’m not really hungry anyway.

        I’ve been feeling okay. Definitely tired and achy and pregnant, but it’s easier to handle psychologically when I can feel our little one kicking away all day. I am 3 days away from the start of the 3rd trimester and the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine just a little bit!

      • That’s awesome! When did you start feeling her kicking? We recently discovered a new burrito place that does gluten-free ones too. DW loves Mexican food, but there are just so few of them up here. Are you getting super uncomfortable yet? I’m already unable to lay on my belly, and I can’t imagine what it’ll be like to be 3rd trimester pregnant and trying to find a comfortable position.

        My problem with sleep isn’t with falling asleep, it’s more with waking up in the middle of the night feeling terrified or anxious, and then being too wired to fall back asleep. I’ve tried meditations, but they just seem to aggravate me and make me angry unless I’m in the right headspace. Instead, I just go on the WTE due date boards and read the ridiculous things on there, have a couple of laughs and then eventually get bored and tired. Thanks for the suggestion though.

      • If I was quiet and still, I started to feel very light flutters around 14/15 weeks, but the OB said I was feeling it early because I still had the second sac taking up space, so baby was a bit more cramped. I think I started feeling real thumps around 18 or 19 weeks, but it’s kind of fuzzy. I definitely couldn’t lay on my belly at your stage, either. Things are starting to get pretty uncomfortable at this point. I usually feel pretty decent early in the day, and then I get more tired and sore as the day goes on. As miserable as I am sometimes at night, I also kind of love it because it makes me feel totally pregnant.

      • That’s awesome! I hope I feel some kicks soon. Right now my symptoms have mostly faded, and without a Doppler, I don’t know what’s going on in there. I like your perspective on your pregnancy aches and pains. They’re definitely there for a good reason ❤️❤️

  15. I’m sorry these days are so hard. Good news about the job. I’m keeping Dumplin in my thoughts and prayers. Are you going ahead with the NIPT before waiting to find out about funding or will your doing it depend on whether it is covered?

    • We’ll do it regardless of whether it’s covered or not, but we’ll give it two days to see if it’s covered first. Sarah at Three Hearts Beating said it took about 1.5 days to get approval, so I’m gonna try that first. We’ve got an appointment on Tuesday with the Mt. Sinai fetal genetics department in the meantime.

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