I have not disappeared into the depths of sleep deprivation. I have however, got about two or three draft posts started and never finished. So my lesson is that unless it’s short, I shouldn’t bother writing it. But anyways, hi friends!
We are surviving (but barely at times). DW has been back at work since 4 days after Dumplin’s birth (over 2 weeks ago). My mom left a week ago. It’s just me and the little man (and the dogs) at home everyday now.
The days are tough. I wish I still had my mom here- both for the extra set of hands, but also for the company. She was awesome when she was here- she made food and cleaned and made grocery runs- all so that I could focus on Dumplin’ and establish a good breastfeeding relationship. Now that she’s gone, it’s been hard trying to get things done myself, as well as trying to stay sane when cooped up at home. While she was here we went out with the baby- we hit up restaurants, stores, even the mall (Yorkdale mall has an awesome family lounge by the way). It helped me feel normal again to go out and do stuff, with Dumplin’ in tow. But the more I talk to people, and the more that I read online, it seems like I’m putting him at risk by exposing him to the outside world, especially during flu season. I’ve wanted to go to the grocery store for a couple of weeks now, but haven’t because I’m scared he’ll be coughed on or that I’ll handle something and transfer germs onto his face when I’m putting him in his car seat… The fear and guilt never ends.
Family lounge at Yorkdale mall.
While I’m so grateful to have my take home rainbow baby, I must admit that motherhood has been really hard on me. Each week has brought new challenges for us:
Week 0-1: no colostrum, milk taking a long time to come in, Dumplin’ losing more than 10% of his birthweight, midwife recommending we supplement with formula.
Week 1-2: Milk and weight are great and he surpasses birth weight, stop formula, but he has really painful gas, and cries inconsolably as he tries to pass the gas. We try tummy massage, different feeding positions, BioGaia probiotics, burping after feeds, and most recently Ovol simethicone, and nothing has helped.
Week 2-3: Gas issues persist and get worse- now he’s spitting up a lot after feeds and is even more inconsolable. We aren’t getting much sleep because he cries on and off for more than half of the night.
It’s funny (not funny) because I thought Dumplin’ would be an easy baby. My pregnancy (aside from external stressors) was really wonderful, and part of me still mourns not being pregnant anymore. But the inconsolable crying…. It’s not quite colic, but every day, he seems to cry more than the previous day. I’m reaching my breaking point. Last night, it got so bad that I daydreamed about walking out the front door in just my underwear, just to escape the crying. There’s nothing worse than not being able to soothe your baby.
It’s sad because I do really love this kid, but with DW at work full-time and 16 weeks pregnant, and with me slowly spiralling into what I worry will be post-partum depression, I feel utterly helpless. Even the dogs (who are low maintenance), have felt overwhelming to care for with Dumplin’ in the picture. DW’s parents would likely come and stay with us if we asked, but as good as their intentions are, they (her mom) create more work and stress for us than they resolve. Her dad is really helpful, but how do you invite one and not the other?
Anyway, on a positive note, Dumplin’ is getting huge. Everyday, I notice that his hands have gotten bigger, and that his body feels a bit heavier. So at least there’s that. He has a great latch and we feed well together now.
Things with Mochi are good. With the arrival of Dumplin’, DW often forgets that she’s pregnant. I feel bad that she isn’t getting more sleep, since she’s growing a tiny human inside her. And did I mention that she’s starting to show? She’s definitely got a baby bump, and she suspects that people at work are starting to notice too. We need to start doing bump photos for her. We haven’t announced her pregnancy yet, but will probably do so today when she gets home from work. As introverts, we have to brace ourselves for the mass of attention that comes with such an announcement.
DW has also switched midwifery practices too. We were so happy with the practice that I was with, as well as the hospital that I gave birth at, that she’s now with the same midwives I was/am with. The drive is longer for her, but is totally worth it. This past Wednesday she broke up with the other practice in person- right after she heard Mochi’s strong heartbeat of 153bpm, and got a requisition for Mochi’s anatomy ultrasound (2 weeks from now! Exciting!).
Anyways, please pray for us and keep us in your thoughts. We could use some help getting over this hump. We’re so sleep deprived and want to enjoy this newborn phase. Send Dumplin’ some good digestive and happy vibes!
I’ll leave you with some pictures: