It’s been 4 weeks since I’ve had a normal sleep. Sleep is still nowhere to be found in the Mama et Maman household. After 14 days of Cipralex/Lexapro, I was still sleepless and my anxiety was over the roof. My family doctor recommended that I stop the medication and has prescribed another medication- Remeron, which is often used for anxiety in people with eating disorders because it causes a significant increase in appetite and in fat storage. I’ve read that even in the short-term, and at low doses, people can gain upwards of 10-30lbs in a month. Obviously, this freaks me out. It freaks me out enough that I am considering not taking it even though the prescription has been filled.
I’m currently dealing with the withdrawal symptoms of coming off the Cipralex cold turkey (as recommended by my doc). Headaches, heart palpitations, feelings of dread/anxiousness, insomnia, and a little bit of depression. I took an Ativan three nights ago and had a great sleep, but the last two nights, I’ve gone unmedicated at night and sleep is not happening. To make matters worse, my in-laws are over right now (which is normally fine) and there was a big fight last night. But more on that later…
Mochi’s due date is this Sunday (in two days!), and at yesterday’s midwife appointment, DW’s cervix is soft, but still closed. Mochi’s head also seems to alternate from being engaged to floating up near DW’s round ligament, so baby doesn’t seem to want to come out to play anytime soon. DW is super uncomfortable- with feet so swollen that they no longer fit into Crocs, and hands that are painful and feel like they are on fire all the time from the nerve impingement. She’s so uncomfortable lying down that she’s only able to sleep for about 3 hours at night, then spends the rest of the night with her hands hanging while seated watching British crime dramas on Netflix. She’s so ready to be done, so that unfavourable cervical status was heartbreaking for her.
Yesterday, the midwives called us to discuss scheduling an induction, since DW is 40 years old, and unlikely to go into spontaneous labour anytime soon since her cervix is still closed and baby hasn’t dropped yet. They discussed the significantly increased risk of stillbirth after 42 weeks (2/1000), and explained how induction would be done after prostaglandin gels to soften her cervix. Since DW is so uncomfortable, we are thinking of getting the ball rolling sometime early next week…. So Mochi might be on this side of the womb before May, which is exciting and terrifying both at the same time.
We have a “to do” list of things we need to accomplish before Mochi arrives though, one of which is minivan shopping. We know we want a Dodge Caravan with 4 captain chairs, stow and go, and automatic rolling middle windows. We also intend to trade in our Subaru Impreza, since it is no use to us if we can’t fit the babies and the dogs both at the same time for drives to the cottage or to the conservation park. Right now we’re taking two cars whenever we need to have Dumplin’ and the dogs in tow. Also, I have two old disc herniations in my low back, so bending over to do up the kids in their car seats in the low Subaru is aggravating. Basically, it’s time to become a minivan family.
This boy is my everything. He makes even the most sleepless nights bright in the morning. He is so smiley, happy, funny, and adorable right now. Our boy turned 6 months this week and I feel like this past month has been super sweet so far, aside from a weird week where he was super fussy and going through what I suspect was the beginning of leap5. He is very active, always rolling or wanting to Jolly Jump, so much that he’s actually lost weight this past month! He’s back down to 19lbs 12oz at last check. He sleeps happily in his own crib from 7pm-7am, with 2 or 3 nursings at night. He plays in his crib in the morning until we get him at 8am. We just started transitioning him from the swing to his crib for naps, and he still fusses a little bit, but will eventually fall asleep for a short 40 minute nap a few times a day. He loves watching and petting his dogs and front-facing in the Ergo360 during walks. He’s extra cuddly these days, which we love. We have started giving him “tastings” of food- chicken bone broth (loves!) avocado (loves!), peanut butter (loves!), butternut squash (unsure?), but don’t plan on really starting solids for real until Mochi has arrived and settled in a bit. It all just seems like a huge undertaking, and I’m a bit scared of what his poops are going to be like. He’s also super distracted these days (must be all the learning), so his intake of breastmilk has dramatically decreased, so I don’t want to exacerbate that either. Anyone delay feeding solids? Pros/cons?
I don’t even know where to start with this. Basically, my niece might have mono and her parents dropped her off at my MIL and FIL’s for a couple of days because she couldn’t go to school, and the next day my MIL and FIL at our house for a planned visit with Dumplin’. Being concerned parents, DW and I jokingly (but not really) said just “don’t be kissing him”, which seemed to set my MIL off on the meanest drunken rant I’ve ever witnessed from her. She was downright nasty, saying things like “well it’s not like your parents come and help” (my parents live across the country), and “how [we’re] such know-it-alls” regarding our concerns for Dumplin’s health, how “[they’ve] often complained about how taxing the drive is, and how [they’ve] commented on how [they] can’t keep doing the drive” as a sort of threat to say that they won’t be coming over to visit Dumplin’ anymore, how we “make it difficult for her to be with the baby”, how we are “hypocrites because he goes out into public and into daycare” so he’s exposed to worse than the potential mono that she’s exposing him to, and so much more. She also verbally attacked my FIL because he was trying to talk some sense into her (she was truly being irrational), and for the first time ever, picked on me. I was sitting quietly as she was ranting away, just listening to her, and she singled me out with personal insults for no reason. Her intentions were simply to be mean, and it took everything in both DW and I to respond kindly and with kid gloves because her mother twists the truth and has a tendency to go all emotionally unstable when criticized. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very appreciative of their efforts at coming for visits, and recognize that it is a 2 hour drive, but everytime they come over, she gets piss drunk and starts fights with DW. Last night my MIL and FIL polished off 2.5 bottles of wine and at least one beer in 4 hours. And the damage that her words have cannot be erased. Both DW and I spent the night talking through her insults, taking turns crying because we were so hurt by the mean things that she said. Neither of us slept, and both of us considered alternate childcare plans for Dumplin’ while DW is in labour at the hospital, since my MIL threatened to pull her support for us. It all made me really sad. Sad because the reality is that we really have no one. None of our friends have kids or the ones that do already have their hands full. We don’t have a village. We are alone. I even thought about possibly paying my massage therapist who is a doula to come over and stay with Dumplin’ when we have to go to the hospital. Or even one of the daycare workers at the gym because they know him. It all makes me want to cry. Anyways…. Today is a new day, and I just hope it’s better, but I still feel really wounded by the harsh things that she said to us, and in particular that I was singled out and picked on.
So yeah, lots of drama going on here. Just in time for Mochi’s induction. Ugh.
Right now I need some reassurance- people that don’t have help with their kids- how do you manage?