The Kitchen in My Bathroom

My bathroom is cluttered.

There are bottles everywhere, unlabelled, with strange concoctions in them.

In my shower, I have a glass bottle of “Kombucha”, except that it isn’t really Kombucha, but rather an apple cider vinegar and water mixture. I also have a glass jam jar of coconut oil, and a ziplock protecting my peppermint shampoo bar and my African black soap.

I’ve been making the switch over to simple and pure (lacking in harmful chemicals) beauty and hygiene products for some time now. I’ve done a lot of research on the toxicity of common body care products on and have been purging and replacing items with natural or homemade solutions. It’s been fun and I’ve been enjoying not spending a whole lot of money on the expensive things that I used to buy- Aveda products mostly.

Darling Wife finds my slightly OCD behaviour a bit amusing but mostly annoying, I’m sure.

What we need is a bigger bathroom with more storage I think.

One can dream…

Until then, I suppose I’ll try to keep the unlabelled bottles tidier.


We’re Not Friends Anymore

Fertility Friend has been lying to me for the past three months.

She told me CD26, and I believed her. My bloodwork told me otherwise. It told me CD19.

Those two days aren’t even close! It’s not even a white lie.

Fertility un-friend. Tomorrow, I give her a chance to explain herself. We’ll see if my body temp spikes overnight.

Lucky Number Nineteen

I don’t have problems admitting when I’m wrong. Though, it does sting like a B when it’s about something I’ve ranted about.

I’ll give you an example:

For the past 3 cycles, I’ve been charting my BBT, and during each cycle, Fertility Friend (an app) tells me that I’m ovulating on CD26 of my 36 day cycle.

Since we’ve started our monitoring cycle, I’ve been going in every other day to have bloodwork and ultrasound done. This is how it’s gone:

CD3: bw and u/s – unremarkable
CD5: bw and u/s – unremarkable
CD6: sonohysterogram – unremarkable
CD7: bw and u/s – unremarkable
CD9: bw and u/s – told that my follicles were small (9mm)
CD11: bw and u/s – told that my follicles were “slow to grow” (10mm)
CD13: bw and u/s – told that my follicles were runts and they were being difficult (10mm)
CD15: bw and u/s – told that we’d for sure need to be on drugs to help “speed things along”. (14mm)
CD17: bw and u/s – told that my follicles were finally growing (16mm)
CD19: bw and u/s – (19mm follicle) told that I’d have to come in every day until I ovulate. Disappointed, but compliant, I booked every 6:40am appointment this entire week. Afterwards, I went to the car where I had a shitfit over the phone with Darling Wife, and threatened that I might lose will power because this was way too much work. That I felt like a pin cushion / piece of meat / totally violated (transvaginal ultrasound). And that she couldn’t empathize because she doesn’t have to get up almost 45 mins earlier than usual because of the appointments…..

I had a melt down.

Not a “fix my problems for me” meltdown, but rather, a “I’m bitching just to bitch” meltdown. I’ve been having a lot of these lately because I’m so stressed at work.

Anyways, I felt like an ass, because Darling Wife always wanted to be “the one to get pregnant”. But timing-wise and financially, it makes more sense for me to be the host body.

So I get to work after all my venting, teach 2 classes, help students during my lunch, teach another class, attend a staff meeting, clean up some lab chemicals, check my phone when I notice that I have a voice message.

It’s from my monitoring nurse.

She tells me that my lab results came in from today’s bloodwork, and it turns out that I’m starting to ovulate.

O v u l a t e .

But… Today is CD19!?!?!!


Best part is, that she cancelled all of my monitoring appointments, and the next time I go in is next Monday. Yippeee!

Today I felt lucky.

Cycle day 19, I’ve got a 19mm follicle, and it’s gonna break out soon!



I See Spots

By now, you’ve probably realized that I am not much of a persuasive person. I mean, I have strong opinions about things but never succeed in getting my way because I don’t have a strong personality.

So far, in life, this has created a lot of stress for me.

Recently, this has resulted in me undergoing the sonohysterogram that I so very much was opposed to, since we, as a lesbian couple (and not an infertile couple) had no indication that it was necessary. But after haggling with a nurse who insisted that it was part of the fertility clinic’s mandatory monitoring process, I gave in. Angrily, I gave in.

So today, early in the morning, I had my feet in cold stirrups, bum at the edge of a paper-and-doggy-pee-pad-lined examination table, and endured the awkward small talk with 2 technicians because I am weak.

The whole procedure lasted a mere few minutes, but definitely involved some strong cramping during and after. In the car, I called my wife, nearly in tears because of the cramping. I admitted to her that while I’ve certainly had menstrual cramps worse than this, it was the psychological aspect of being violated and the spots of blood on the examination table that could only have come from an angry cervix.


Say No to Sono?

I’m the type of person that says “sorry” all the time. Even when it’s not my fault. It drives my wife nuts, to which I respond with sorry again. It’s a vicious cycle which needs to stop. .. Especially if I plan to refuse a sonohysterogram next week.

The RE we saw a few weeks ago had his nurse call me and remind me to book my cycle day 3 monitoring appointment and sonohysterogram after my period starts. During our consult, he just casually referred to the procedure as a “Sono”, like it ain’t no thang. After researching a bit, I found all sorts of awful accounts of women experiencing major vicodin type pain (and prescriptions from their RE) as well as standard rounds of antibiotics to begin after the procedure. Hot damn! Did you say infection? Yeah, because I’m going to Lysol the shit outta the soil I plan to grow my little seedling in next month! Wtf!?!

Especially as lesbians with no known fertility issues I feel this is unnecessary. Remember too, that I’m a doctor as well, and am well versed in the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm.

Now, if you don’t know what a sonohysterogram is, I suggest you google it. If I am to exaggerate a bit for effect, it is like a naughty nurse clown shoves a balloon at the end of a straw through your cervix, into your uterus and inflates the balloon inside you with a bicycle pump until you nearly explode. Actually, that’s not much of an exaggeration. Darn.

Anyways, may the Goddess named Clementine grant me the strength to politely decline the not covered by OHIP, pay 150 outta pocket unnecessary procedure.

Because really, it’s nearly gardening season, and I’m trying to enrich my soil so that a little bean will grow.

The War Against Caffeine

I love coffee. I love the way it smells, I love the bitterness, and sometimes the way it bites back. The stimulant effect is a nice byproduct too. Problem is, I think I love it too much.

Last month I tried to kick the habit. Usually, I start every morning with an Americano, black. In the afternoon I might indulge in another espresso-based drink. My total caffeine intake is less than the 200mg limit recommended by the medical community, but since we’re trying our best to provide the optimal fertile environment, I decided that I wanted to try going cold turkey. Nada coffees. Herbal tea only.

What a bad idea.

Okay, so I anticipated caffeine withdrawal headaches, maybe some grumpiness, but never did I imagine that I would turn into a ginormo crankacaurusrex!


I started to dread mornings because I felt the void left by the vacancy of espresso. I began to resent the 5 extra minutes I had in the morning because I wasn’t steaming my organic lactose-free milk. My mouth grew dry with want. My head was foggy and unfocused. Even my favourite herbal teas began tasting like the water-logged plants that they truly were.

I started to resent tea.

That is when I knew I had a problem.

Who resents tea?

So last week I went for my by-monthly acupuncture appointment and confessed to Dr. Z that I was weak and ashamed of my addiction to coffee. To my surprise, she brushed off my self-loathing and told me that coffee wasn’t going to affect my fertility in moderate amounts, and that black and green tea are worse. Too bad we just bought a Costco-sized box of organic green tea, but hooray for my daily espresso routine making a comeback!

We are on vacation right now, and I must admit that I’ve been having 2 espresso-based drinks per day and loving it. We return to Canada and start our monitoring cycle in a few days.

I’m excited for the process to begin. Stay tuned!


O Ovum, Ovum! Wherefore art thou Ovum?

It is cycle day 22 (CD22) and I’m still waiting for that ‘spike’ in my BBT.


Still waiting.

I’ve got my EWCM already and my cervix is soft, sitting high, and open. If you don’t already know what EWCM stands for, you might not want to look it up, in case it is tmi (too much information).

I’m all dressed up with no where to go…