Mochi: 8DP5DT

Symptoms this past week:

DW hasn’t really had any cramping like she did after her previous two embryo transfers. She also hasn’t had the nausea or “sick feeling” she has had previously either. She has noticed however, a weird metallic taste in her mouth, that doesn’t go away with brushing her teeth or drinking water. 

We’ve been on pins and needles for the last day or so because DW started having some spotting on our last day at the cottage (6DP5DT). The pink/brown spotting continued (7DP5DT) and increased a bit in volume, so we were worried that it might not be just implantation bleeding. 

Last night, we both cried, as the bleeding became more red, as her two miscarriages started off with spotting that progressed to full-on bleeding despite being on large doses of Endometrin and prometrium. I’ve always found this weird because my body seems to respond differently. For me, the Endometrin and Prometrium have always staved off any uterine shedding until 3 days of withdrawal. Of course, that was with my 4IUI and freezer-burnt embryo transfer BFN’s. But every single time, with every one of her BFP’s, she’s had this kind of bleeding. Having experienced the terror of a subchorionic hematoma, I can sympathize with her feelings of dread and terror going to the bathroom for a pee or a poop. 

Anyways, finally, she testing this morning: 

 
We are cautiously optimistic since she has always gotten a BFP after a transfer. We just need her body to welcome and nourish little Mochi so that he/she will stick around. Hopefully, the plethora of meds that we’ve got her on makes the difference!

Beta on Monday and second beta on Wednesday!!!
Thanks for your continued love and prayers!

Day 12 and 12DP5DT Second Beta Result – the Good News and the Bad News

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My favourite weather involves sunshine and warm dry temperatures. I do not enjoy the ridiculously humid summers we have here in Toronto, as it usually necessitates the use of air conditioning on those really hot high 30’s “feels like 40-something” days (Celsius). My summers growing up in Vancouver were nearly perfect, though I would’ve liked it a touch warmer than it was, as you always needed to have a cardigan or sweater ready for the evenings. Perfect weather: easy breezy Maui.

So today is 12DP5DT, and I think I shall start counting by pregnancy weeks. I am now 4 weeks and 3 days. I did my second beta this morning, and my results phone call woke me from a great nap I was having this afternoon.

So @10DP5DT my beta was 229.
A good double is every 48 or so hours, so we would be hoping for something around 458…

Today’s beta is…..

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I am really happy with this number!

My doubling time according to one of the online calculators is 31.55 hours.

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Now, the plan is for me to have my intralipids IV infusion again tomorrow, and then my 6 week ultrasound in two weeks on my birthday! Fingers crossed so hard that we see a strong heart beat, as in all of our previous pregnancies, we had not yet reached this milestone.

Now, the bad news is that I just went to the washroom and have red bleeding. I had one day of brown tinged toilet paper last week, but that stopped. Today it’s red, not a lot of blood, but enough to see the colour on toilet paper. I’m not freaking out yet, because it’s just a little, but I might start freaking out if it continues….

Anyways, I’ll end with a couple of pictures of our hotpot dinner for DW’s birthday a couple of days ago.

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IVF#2: 7DP5DT We Couldn’t Wait

So last night DW and I were grocery shopping and bought a box of First Response Early Result tests.

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Luckily, I’ve been busy all day today, so I wasn’t home for the little FRERs to call to me like My Precious and Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

But this evening, they called to me. Their cries got louder and louder.

So we caved.

And I peed.

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Today is 7DP5DT, and it is POSITIVE!

We’re going to test again on Friday, to see that it gets darker (for peace of mind).

Beta is on Saturday, and I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed that we get a good HCG level.

But for now, we are pregnant!

FET#3: An Update Part 2

All of my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared Wednesday and Thursday. No dizziness, no vertigo, no nausea, boobs way less sore, twinges gone.

I was sad and totally devastated.

Time was passing so slowly, and I analyzed every gas bubble and pinch from my belly, not to mention the colour of my used toilet paper.

Friday finally came, and we went for my repeat beta.

I was a bit hopeful because I had some nausea during the morning, and I felt bloated. I have never been so pleased to be bloated.

Three and a half hours later, we got the results of our repeat beta.

Wednesday’s beta: 33
Friday’s beta: 61

Not quite double yet, but increasing. We’re not out of the game. My doubling rate is 54 hours. Because my levels are under 100, the nurse says that I need to go in again in a week to check my HCG again. She sounded neither apologetic nor congratulatory, which was professional of her, but made me really sad. I am trying to stay positive, as the embryo is still in there, and the HCG is still increasing. I just hope that it continues to thrive and is not just a delay of the inevitable.

You see, with five embryos that have failed to make it past this second beta, we feel like we’re getting closer to our goal with this attempt. However, if this one miscarries too, I don’t know how we will recover from it.

To be honest, during these past two days, I have been contemplating many previously unthinkable things. Things like, I don’t know if we would bother with one more FET with our last embryo. If every single one of our embryos miscarried, it makes me wonder if the whole batch is bad. Maybe all of my eggs have a chromosomal abnormality that is still allowing them to look morphologically perfect. Maybe I’ll never be a biological mom because I’m defective. Then I start thinking about how much easier and luxurious life would be if we didn’t have kids (a consolation prize). We could go to Maui every Christmas and Spring Break, we could go to on an Olivia Vacation, we could sleep in and selfishly continue to play all of our team sports with our friends. After all, most of our teammates are lesbians who don’t have kids and they’re always going on amazing trips and have pristine homes and awesome savings accounts. I think I could be happy with that.

But then we go out into public, where babies and kids abound, and I am a baby-magnet! Babies are always fascinated with me- not sure if it’s the dreads or the fact that I’m always smiling at them- and they give me cute giggles and adorable happy hand gestures. It makes my heart melt.

I am not religious, but I am so desperate for this pregnancy to work out that I have been praying for promising HCG levels. I am freaking myself out.

But right now, in this moment, I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I need to not let past tragedies and stupid numbers get in the way of my happiness.

9DP5DT: Twinges Anyone?

Tomorrow’s our first beta, Friday is our repeat beta, and I’m so friggin’ nervous.

Please stick. Please stick. Please stick.

To make matters worse, I’ve been feeling a constant twinge on my right side. It feels like a weird pulling sensation somewhat generalized in my lower right abdomen. It changes a bit with position, and is worse with sitting and certain positions lying down. I’m afraid to stretch it, not knowing what it is.

Anyone else experience this at around week 4?

My breasts are ridiculously tender too. Yesterday, just the weight of them bouncing as I walked up the stairs was making them ache.

Other than that, the vertigo has somewhat dissipated, but I’m still dizzy all the time and feel a fuzz in my brain.

More updates tomorrow!