TWW Symptom Obsessions

For those who aren’t familiar with the lingo, #DP5DT stands for number of days post 5-day blastocyst transfer. If you want to convert it to days post ovulation (DPO), you add 5 days (because our little blastocysts have had a 5 day head start.

For example: 9DP5DT means nine days post five day blastocyst transfer, and is equivalent to 14 days post ovulation.

Now for DW’s symptoms:

Saturday May 17th (5DP5DT)- mild cramping
Sunday May 18th (6DP5DT)- fatigue, dizziness, trace spotting
Tuesday May 20th (8DP5DT)- mild nausea, dizziness

Fingers and toes are all crossed!

The Two “Abstain From Everything You Like To Do” Wait

So the people around me suspect that something is up.

I’ve taken a few more sick days this month, and my coworkers are thinking I’m either terminally ill or pregnant.

I’ve missed, and will continue to miss a few more hockey games, so my teammates send me emails asking if I’m pregnant.

I have significantly toned down the intensity and duration of my workouts, so I wonder if the trainers at my gym are thinking that I’m pregnant?

This weekend I’ll be catching up with my family and in-laws at a dinner party. I will not be drinking. I betcha they will suspect that I’m pregnant.

We test in 11 days. Until then, I will be wondering if I’m pregnant.

I really do hope so.

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You Want Me to Stick this Medication Where?

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Those who have been following my blog may know that while I ovulate on my own, I have ridiculously short luteal phases. They range from 6 days to about 10, even after supplementation with vit B6. Normal is somewhere between 12- 14 days, while longer seems to be better.

One possible cause of a luteal phase defect is a progesterone deficiency. What happens here is that progesterone is responsible for maintaining the lining of the uterus and preventing it from shedding. Once progesterone levels drop, the uterus begins the process of shedding and menstrual bleeding begins.

Certain events, such as the fertilization and subsequent implantation of a blastocyst release hormones like HCG that prevent the lining from shedding, and allow a pregnancy to continue.

But timing is everything, and if HCG levels aren’t high enough at the time when progesterone levels drop, a chemical pregnancy may occur.

Because of my short luteal phase, my RE prescribed a 3 week course of synthetic progesterone in “bead” form. I was instructed to insert two of said beads into my va-jay-jay twice daily. I could take them orally, but the side effects are more intense that route.

A Fresh Start or a Quick Finish?

Many things to update you on as I spin away on my stationary bike:

1. Aunt Flo arrived on Sunday, so we were not successful this past IUI.
2. We had our long-awaited appointment with the RE last Wednesday, and he recommended that we try a course of Femara to help accelerate egg development in my follicular phase. He treated me a bit like there was something wrong with my long follicular phase, which irked me. I informed him that research suggests that Asian women genetically tend to have cycles that are longer than Caucasian women. He seemed to not be familiar with this research but agrees that there would likely be some genetic component to it (duh).
3. So I started the Femara on Wednesday, and so far the only side effect I’ve experienced is mild hot flashes in the middle of the night. It doesn’t help that we are in the middle of a heat wave here in the GTA.

Today is day 10 of my cycle, and I went in for blood work and ultrasound early this morning. The results were a bit disappointing. So far, despite the Femara, my follicles are only 12mm. If they don’t get up to about 18mm+ by Monday, they will likely cancel the IUI. I’m really bummed about this, because I know that normally, follies usually grow about 1mm per day, and mine grow even slower than this. The nurse said that they will likely need to increase the dose for next cycle. Hrmph. She’s talking about this one like it’s already failed.

I’m upset, and have been trying to keep my mind off of it, but I just can’t help but wonder if in fact, I am infertile with this stupidly long cycle. I mean really, why is it taking so long for my follicles to develop? Why do they need 12 days more than the average woman’s? And why aren’t they responding to these meds?

We’ll see on Thursday morning if anything has changed. Fingers crossed that these follies grow grow grow!

A Pattern Emerges

There must be a name for this.

The time when two really extraordinary forces come together and create a clusterfuck of stress and emotions. Those forces known as PMS and the two week wait.

It’s akin to the bridezilla, but scarier because you’ve come between momma bear and her baby, and momma bear hasn’t had her daily espresso shot for two weeks because she’s been trying to conceive.

I just realized something. 8 DPO is the climax of this clusterfucking. Darling Wife and I discussed that I should preemptively take this day off work as a “mental health day” in future cycles, because today, I had strong urges to tell the bright teenagers that I teach to fuck off.

This is shit I could get fired for.

Perhaps it’s safer for everyone if I plan ahead.

Still waiting for a missed period, but I’m not holding my breath. I really don’t feel pregnant.

Unless of course, my mood right now is a sneak peak of what the next 8 months might look like.

God help us all.

Nipple Fortune-Tellers

I have a serious tendency towards speculation. Not that I’m suspicious of other people and their business, but rather that I have a bad habit of digging too deep for greater meaning when perhaps there is none.

Currently, we are braving the two week wait (TWW), which has been excruciatingly difficult. Not only because I’m a speculative person, but also because I had extreme nipple tenderness lasting from 2DPO (2 days post ovulation) until about 5DPO, I’ve been waking up 2-3 times a night to pee, and I’ve been craving all sorts of food that I don’t ordinarily eat. What’s worse is that I’m feeling super fat and have toned my workouts waaaaay down in anticipation of implantation, so in just feeling like I’m getting fatter.

Even worse- I don’t feel pregnant. So in a way, I worry that at the end of this I will be under slept, over fed, overweight, and blastocyst-less. Ugh.

Today I packed a change of workout clothes for after school, but didn’t leave school until about 6pm (who ever said teaching is a 8 am to 3 pm job has obviously never been a teacher). The Wife is at that damn course again tonight til 10pm, so I had to rush home to be a doggy single parent. The weather outside has been a mix of torrential downpour so I wouldn’t get to exercise outside with the dogs either.

Sorry about the complaining. I am just really frustrated because I never seem to have any time to fit in my workouts these days and it makes me extremely agitated and resentful. Not to mention the fact that I’ve abstained from any form of caffeine since inseminating, and at times, all that I can think about is a rich and bitter americano.

Maybe I’m not cut out for all of this.

I can’t imagine feeling like this for several months with no success.

How do all of you do it?

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