We’re Alive

Hi friends. It’s been a long while since my last post. I can’t even remember when that was. Anyhow we’re alive, and while we are very sleep-deprived, everyone is thriving. I don’t know how to start catching you up on the past couple of months…. lots has happened, but I’m trying to thumb-type this as fast as I can before our babies wake up from their naps. I guess I’ll just start and then see where it leads.

Dumplin’ turned 1 back in October. He’s a full-blown toddler now, complete with toddler attitude. I decided to extend my maternity leave from work (without pay), and stay off with DW and the kids until next September, so we have no income, but our hearts are full and every day is like a holiday (sorta). 

Christmas was busy, but good. My mom came to visit, which was nice. The babies loved having another person in the house. We spent a week with DW’s family as well over the Christmas holidays. 

Then this month, we took a family vacation (just us four) to Punta Cana. We stayed at an awesome all-inclusive resort that caters to families with infants and toddlers. We were able to take the babies to the a la carte restaurants, and they always had high chairs at the buffets. The babies had a great time at the pool, and had their first experience playing in the sand and being splashed by ocean waves. When we returned, we noticed that Dumplin’s table skills had improved- he no longer throws plates or bowls placed in front of him, and has been working on using utensils to eat. Mochi’s hand-eye coordinate has also improved a lot as well, as he’s mostly (hand) feeding himself now at meals. 

Mochi has been working very hard on crawling lately, and has been pulling up to standing as well. The week after he started crawling (at 8.5 months), his big brother started walking (at 15 months). Poor Mochi- constantly playing catch-up! Dumplin’s been toddling around, and has a pretty nasty scrape on his chin from constantly falling down on it. He walks around a bit bow-legged, with a big smile on his face, so proud of himself. 

Life has been busy, but not a day goes by that I don’t feel extremely blessed to have these two babies in our lives. DW and I spend our pre-sleep bed time reminiscing moments of hilarity or happiness from the day. Now that Mochi is 9 months old and no longer such a little baby, I’m really wishing that we could have a third. Our two boys are so sweet, and have such different personalities that I can’t help but wonder what our remaining 4 embryos might be like if they grew into little people. But when we crunch the numbers and calculate how much it would cost for daycare, a bigger house, paying into another education savings fund, family vacations for 5… it really isn’t in the cards for us to have another child. Not to mention the stress of having to TTC again…. the miscarriage risks, the extra immune-suppressing drugs, all while being back at work and parenting two small kids. I mean, I still believe that I’ve got PTSD from our TTC and RPL journey. Every year, the fertility clinic contacts us to inquire whether we’d like to store our remaining blastocysts for another year. We’ve been paying the annual embryo storage fee without much thought because I haven’t been ready to deal with the big decision of: have more kids/ donate to science/ donate to another person/ destroy. It’s really complicated given our history of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. How do you just “destroy” 4 perfectly good embryos that were so hard fought for? Especially when 2 from the same batch ended up being our sweet babies that we love more than anything in the whole world. 

Well we made a decision a few months ago to offer them to a blogger friend that I deeply adore and respect. She and her partner also experienced a lot of heartache throughout their TTC journey, were blessed with a son through adoption, and were contemplating possibly giving him a sibling. After much consideration, they decided that they weren’t in a place where they were ready for a second child, and that they were quite content with their family of three (and dog). 
At the same time, another couple approached us regarding our stored embryos. They have a 4 year old son, and after numerous IVF attempts, haven’t been successful conceiving due to egg quality. They live in the same province as us. We haven’t met them in person, but have been emailing with them back and forth. It’s hard though, because we don’t know much about embryo donation/adoption, and what kinds of difficult things come up in the process-legally, logistically, financially, and emotionally. Right now I’m dealing with the emotional part of it, and it’s kind of sending me down a couple of different rabbit holes. 

Did/do you have embryos remaining- and how did you decide what to do with them?