I See Spots

By now, you’ve probably realized that I am not much of a persuasive person. I mean, I have strong opinions about things but never succeed in getting my way because I don’t have a strong personality.

So far, in life, this has created a lot of stress for me.

Recently, this has resulted in me undergoing the sonohysterogram that I so very much was opposed to, since we, as a lesbian couple (and not an infertile couple) had no indication that it was necessary. But after haggling with a nurse who insisted that it was part of the fertility clinic’s mandatory monitoring process, I gave in. Angrily, I gave in.

So today, early in the morning, I had my feet in cold stirrups, bum at the edge of a paper-and-doggy-pee-pad-lined examination table, and endured the awkward small talk with 2 technicians because I am weak.

The whole procedure lasted a mere few minutes, but definitely involved some strong cramping during and after. In the car, I called my wife, nearly in tears because of the cramping. I admitted to her that while I’ve certainly had menstrual cramps worse than this, it was the psychological aspect of being violated and the spots of blood on the examination table that could only have come from an angry cervix.

Oh the Rage!!

I had two coffees today. One was necessary for survival, and the second was supposed to be a guilty pleasure but instead it just made me angry. Irrational and angry.

Perhaps I should explain through images.

Enough said.

Say No to Sono?

I’m the type of person that says “sorry” all the time. Even when it’s not my fault. It drives my wife nuts, to which I respond with sorry again. It’s a vicious cycle which needs to stop. .. Especially if I plan to refuse a sonohysterogram next week.

The RE we saw a few weeks ago had his nurse call me and remind me to book my cycle day 3 monitoring appointment and sonohysterogram after my period starts. During our consult, he just casually referred to the procedure as a “Sono”, like it ain’t no thang. After researching a bit, I found all sorts of awful accounts of women experiencing major vicodin type pain (and prescriptions from their RE) as well as standard rounds of antibiotics to begin after the procedure. Hot damn! Did you say infection? Yeah, because I’m going to Lysol the shit outta the soil I plan to grow my little seedling in next month! Wtf!?!

Especially as lesbians with no known fertility issues I feel this is unnecessary. Remember too, that I’m a doctor as well, and am well versed in the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm.

Now, if you don’t know what a sonohysterogram is, I suggest you google it. If I am to exaggerate a bit for effect, it is like a naughty nurse clown shoves a balloon at the end of a straw through your cervix, into your uterus and inflates the balloon inside you with a bicycle pump until you nearly explode. Actually, that’s not much of an exaggeration. Darn.

Anyways, may the Goddess named Clementine grant me the strength to politely decline the not covered by OHIP, pay 150 outta pocket unnecessary procedure.

Because really, it’s nearly gardening season, and I’m trying to enrich my soil so that a little bean will grow.

The War Against Caffeine

I love coffee. I love the way it smells, I love the bitterness, and sometimes the way it bites back. The stimulant effect is a nice byproduct too. Problem is, I think I love it too much.

Last month I tried to kick the habit. Usually, I start every morning with an Americano, black. In the afternoon I might indulge in another espresso-based drink. My total caffeine intake is less than the 200mg limit recommended by the medical community, but since we’re trying our best to provide the optimal fertile environment, I decided that I wanted to try going cold turkey. Nada coffees. Herbal tea only.

What a bad idea.

Okay, so I anticipated caffeine withdrawal headaches, maybe some grumpiness, but never did I imagine that I would turn into a ginormo crankacaurusrex!

Seriously.

I started to dread mornings because I felt the void left by the vacancy of espresso. I began to resent the 5 extra minutes I had in the morning because I wasn’t steaming my organic lactose-free milk. My mouth grew dry with want. My head was foggy and unfocused. Even my favourite herbal teas began tasting like the water-logged plants that they truly were.

I started to resent tea.

That is when I knew I had a problem.

Who resents tea?

So last week I went for my by-monthly acupuncture appointment and confessed to Dr. Z that I was weak and ashamed of my addiction to coffee. To my surprise, she brushed off my self-loathing and told me that coffee wasn’t going to affect my fertility in moderate amounts, and that black and green tea are worse. Too bad we just bought a Costco-sized box of organic green tea, but hooray for my daily espresso routine making a comeback!

We are on vacation right now, and I must admit that I’ve been having 2 espresso-based drinks per day and loving it. We return to Canada and start our monitoring cycle in a few days.

I’m excited for the process to begin. Stay tuned!

O Ovum, Ovum! Wherefore art thou Ovum?

It is cycle day 22 (CD22) and I’m still waiting for that ‘spike’ in my BBT.

Waiting.

Still waiting.

I’ve got my EWCM already and my cervix is soft, sitting high, and open. If you don’t already know what EWCM stands for, you might not want to look it up, in case it is tmi (too much information).

I’m all dressed up with no where to go…

Another year older, another year wiser

So I received my first birthday card in the mail today. It was from my in-laws, who, for many reasons are the perfect complement to my history and relationship with my own parents. They offer stability, reliability, and pamper me during the occasions that we all secretly hope to celebrate. Occasions such as Christmas and Birthdays, for instance.

My parents weren’t really the coddling type, nor were they particularly sentimental while my sister and I were growing up. And as a typical Pisces, I thrived on sentiment and the feeling of being loved or celebrated. I’m in my 30’s now, and I suppose I shouldn’t aspire for such silly things, but I am very pleased that for every holiday or occasion, I receive a handmade card from my mother and father in law.

It makes me happy…

Joyful even.

Happy birthday to me.

Doctor Art

And so it begins… Sorta

And so it begins… The long awaited first consult with the reproductive endocrinologist. I say long because it feels like we’ve waiting for ages, but really, it’s only been about 3 months since we first decided to get serious about trying to conceive, or TTC for short.

Since then, I’ve been obsessively checking the sperm donor catalogues, googling every pregnancy, labour, and breastfeeding question that has crossed my mind.

Being such an open book, it has been difficult to keep our plans secret from all of the people close to us. Harder for me than for J, actually, because it’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past little while.

So far, I’ve been charting my BBT, and have seen a colleague for TCM-based herbal and acupuncture treatment. And finally today, we met with the specialist to find out what needs to happen before we start inseminating. Basically, we are doing a investigatory cycle- checking the quality of my eggs and follicles, whether the route the eggs have to travel is clear, and if my uterine lining is developing to a healthy thickness.

Day 3, 9, and 11 of my next cycle is when I have blood work and ultrasounds done.

For now, we just wait until I bleed and start counting..