A Pattern Emerges

There must be a name for this.

The time when two really extraordinary forces come together and create a clusterfuck of stress and emotions. Those forces known as PMS and the two week wait.

It’s akin to the bridezilla, but scarier because you’ve come between momma bear and her baby, and momma bear hasn’t had her daily espresso shot for two weeks because she’s been trying to conceive.

I just realized something. 8 DPO is the climax of this clusterfucking. Darling Wife and I discussed that I should preemptively take this day off work as a “mental health day” in future cycles, because today, I had strong urges to tell the bright teenagers that I teach to fuck off.

This is shit I could get fired for.

Perhaps it’s safer for everyone if I plan ahead.

Still waiting for a missed period, but I’m not holding my breath. I really don’t feel pregnant.

Unless of course, my mood right now is a sneak peak of what the next 8 months might look like.

God help us all.

Nipple Fortune-Tellers

I have a serious tendency towards speculation. Not that I’m suspicious of other people and their business, but rather that I have a bad habit of digging too deep for greater meaning when perhaps there is none.

Currently, we are braving the two week wait (TWW), which has been excruciatingly difficult. Not only because I’m a speculative person, but also because I had extreme nipple tenderness lasting from 2DPO (2 days post ovulation) until about 5DPO, I’ve been waking up 2-3 times a night to pee, and I’ve been craving all sorts of food that I don’t ordinarily eat. What’s worse is that I’m feeling super fat and have toned my workouts waaaaay down in anticipation of implantation, so in just feeling like I’m getting fatter.

Even worse- I don’t feel pregnant. So in a way, I worry that at the end of this I will be under slept, over fed, overweight, and blastocyst-less. Ugh.

Today I packed a change of workout clothes for after school, but didn’t leave school until about 6pm (who ever said teaching is a 8 am to 3 pm job has obviously never been a teacher). The Wife is at that damn course again tonight til 10pm, so I had to rush home to be a doggy single parent. The weather outside has been a mix of torrential downpour so I wouldn’t get to exercise outside with the dogs either.

Sorry about the complaining. I am just really frustrated because I never seem to have any time to fit in my workouts these days and it makes me extremely agitated and resentful. Not to mention the fact that I’ve abstained from any form of caffeine since inseminating, and at times, all that I can think about is a rich and bitter americano.

Maybe I’m not cut out for all of this.

I can’t imagine feeling like this for several months with no success.

How do all of you do it?

Showtime!!

Holy shit.

The sperm’s on ice (technically liquid nitrogen), cervical mucus was flowing this morning, and we’ve got a +opk folks!

I felt some cramping all mid-morning and early afternoon, which is all gone now (it’s late evening now), and I’m just waiting for Darling Wife to come home from her course. [Damn that course… ]

I’m hoping we haven’t missed our best chance by waiting for her to get home. I was tempted to grab a mirror and inseminate myself today lol. But she would likely kill me. Plus, how romantic to have her deflower me with a plastic speculum! Just like in the fairy tales!

Anyways, so we wait…

Waiting to O

I’m getting antsy. I’ve got ants in my pants. Wait a minute, that isn’t ants, that’s cervical mucous! No shit Sherlock, I think I might ovulate soon.

Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Holy crap!

I’ve been waiting since Sunday for my cervical mucous, and have been stressing about coordinating the timing of ordering the delivery of sperm with when I’m ovulating and when my family doc’s office hours are. Lemme tell you, it’s been hell trying to keep myself from unraveling.

Darling wife, who is currently taking extra courses to become certified to be a vice-principal, has also been sick with the flu (I’ve infected her with the plague :s) and has been consumed with the business of work/health/gardening, so I’m trying not to burden her with my anxiety- because really, there’s nothing I can do but wait…..

So everyday, I’m discretely peeing on an LH stick at work, and then not-so-discretely again at home in the evening, hoping to catch the beginning of my LH spike.

Sperm’s also going to be shipped to my family doc tomorrow, and if I haven’t gotten a spike by Thursday morning, I will have to drive down there and bring the sperm and insemination kit home to do ourselves, which, I’m totally fine with. I’m pretty confident in my clinical skills (I had to learn how to deliver babies and do gynaecological exams in school after all), and am confident in my darling’s ability to follow orders and execute plans perfectly. She is highly kinaesthetic so I have no doubt that she could rock this insemination.

I’m just curious as to what this kit looks like….